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Museums are becoming less important due to the rapid development of technology. Do you agree or disagree?

Museums are becoming less important due to the rapid development of technology. 0MDYB
Nowadays, the development of technology is becoming more and more progressive. Because of this, many people say that museums are less important in our life. As a student living in a country having a lot of events or stories of history, I disagree with this opinion. First of all, ''museum'' is a place that contains many old things or precious memorabilia. The main purpose that museum wants to share with people is the memorization of people to the historical of our country. Secondly, why do people should be still keeping museum? If the country do not have any museums, how to the young's generation can remember to someone that they devoted all themselves to the peaceful of motherland. Now I am living in Viet Nam. Viet Nam is a country has had many historical legends, events and stories, so I think museum is a excellent place that people can visit, remember and understand about the past of our country. From the above, we have seen the importance of the museum yet. Museum is not only a place to visit, but it is also a place for us to gain more knowledge. Furthermore, the museums also has interesting and unique things of the country; therefore, we can understand more about the culture of our country as well as other countries in the world. In conclusion; in spite of the development of technology, museums are still having a important position in society. Their benefits is also really usedful; that make young generation can understand more tradition or historical legends of their country.
Nowadays, the development of technology is becoming more and more progressive.
Because of this
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
say that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
are less
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
in our life. As a student living in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
having
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
or stories of history, I disagree with this opinion.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, ''museum'' is a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
place
that contains
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
things or precious memorabilia. The main purpose that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
wants to share with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
is
the memorization of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
The phrase 'the historical of' is not correct. Use a noun, not an adjective, between 'the' and 'of'.
the historical of
our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
.
Secondly
, why do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should be
still
keeping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
? If the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
do not have any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
, how to the young's generation can remember to someone that they devoted all themselves to
The phrase 'the peaceful of' is not correct. Use a noun, not an adjective, between 'the' and 'of'.
the peaceful of
motherland.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Now
I am living in
Possible spelling mistake found.
Viet
Nam.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Viet
Nam is a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
has had
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
historical legends,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
and stories,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
is
Use "an" instead of 'a' if the following word starts with a vowel sound, e.g. 'an article', 'an hour'
a
excellent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
place
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can visit, remember and understand about the past of our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
. From the above, we have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
the importance of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
yet
.
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Museum
is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
place
to visit,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it is
also
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
place
for us to gain more knowledge.
Furthermore
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
also
has interesting and unique things of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
;
therefore
, we can understand more about the culture of our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
as well
as other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
in the world.
In conclusion
;
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
in spite of
the development of technology,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
are
still
having
Use "an" instead of 'a' if the following word starts with a vowel sound, e.g. 'an article', 'an hour'
a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
position in society. Their benefits
You should probably use: "are".
is
also
really
Possible spelling mistake found.
usedful
; that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
young generation can understand more tradition or historical legends of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
.

IELTS essay Museums are becoming less important due to the rapid development of technology.

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
260 words
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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