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Museum visitor in what year?

Museum visitor in what year? oRPdB
The number of visitors in London Museum and Shenzhen Museum had surprisingly decreased in 1990 to 2000. However, the number of visitors in London Science Museum seemed to continually decreased about 2% from the years 2000 to 2015. However, in the year 2000, Shenzhen museum increased the number of visitors to 4%. Although from year 2000, Shenzhen museum had increased the number of visitors to 4% in 2015. ประโยคนี้ยังผิดอยู่ ลองแปลเป็นไทย แล้วคิดว่า ถ้ามีใครมาพูดด้วยแบบนี้ เป็นประโยคสมบูรณ์ได้มั้ย Vatican museum had about 5% of visitors, also London and Shenzhen museums had around 4% of visitors in 1980. Surprisingly, the number of visitors in London and Shenzhen museums had decreased in 1990 to 2000. And the number of visitors in London science museum seemed to continue decreased to 2% of visitors from 2000 to 2015.
The
number
of
visitors
in London
Museum
and Shenzhen
Museum
had
surprisingly
decreased
in 1990 to 2000.
However
, the
number
of
visitors
in London Science
Museum
seemed to
continually
decreased
about 2% from the years 2000 to 2015.

However
, in the year 2000, Shenzhen
museum
increased the
number
of
visitors
to 4%.

Although from year 2000, Shenzhen
museum
had increased the
number
of
visitors
to 4% in 2015.

ประโยคนี้ยังผิดอยู่
ลองแปลเป็นไทย
แล้วคิดว่า
ถ้ามีใครมาพูดด้วยแบบนี้
เป็นประโยคสมบูรณ์ได้มั้ย


Vatican
museum
had about 5% of
visitors
,
also
London and Shenzhen
museums
had around 4% of
visitors
in 1980.

Surprisingly
, the
number
of
visitors
in London and Shenzhen
museums
had
decreased
in 1990 to 2000. And the
number
of
visitors
in London science
museum
seemed to continue
decreased
to 2% of
visitors
from 2000 to 2015.
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IELTS essay Museum visitor in what year?

Essay
  American English
6 paragraphs
129 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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