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MULTICULTURAL SOCIETIES, IN WHICH THERE IS A MIXTURE OF DIFFERENT ETHNIC PEOPLE, BRING MORE BENEFIT THAN DRAWBAKCS TO A COUNTRY. TO WHAT EXTENT DO YOU AGREE OR DISAGREE?

MULTICULTURAL SOCIETIES, IN WHICH THERE IS A MIXTURE OF DIFFERENT ETHNIC PEOPLE, BRING MORE BENEFIT THAN DRAWBAKCS TO A COUNTRY. BJl1a
In a world, various kind of humans living. There are huge of amount and there are varied culture. In my country India is vast country, there are many religion from different languages. Peoples love to join each other. They are interested to accept varied cultural living and enjoying sometimes difficult to live people from different religion. However, I believe it is fabulous example of living multicultural it is nice to gathering from many religion. There are many advantages of multicultural society, people from many culture they are various type of learn lifestyles. People are living in multicultural they reduce the concept of racism and maintaining harmony. They have different experience for food, clothes, festivals, and religions. In India, Traditional festivals like Diwali, Navratri, Eid, Christmas, and holi there all are celebrating together. some times people are arrange the party for new peoples meets. They are spending a time each others very beautiful and make some true bounds. Divers cultural will help a country to boost economy and social development. In further, Multicultural society have some problem like some people have language barrier and some kinds of miss understanding. People are adopting new culture and then they have reduce native culture. In few humans are not interest to adopting people from different religion they don’t like to collaboration. In my opinion, there are more merits to having multicultural society, if people know how to deal with cultural difference. Economy development and new skills acquisition are the major befits when we embrace people with different ethic background.
In a world, various kind of humans
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
. There are huge of amount and there
are varied
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
. In my country India is vast country, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
religion
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
languages.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Peoples
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
join
each other. They
are interested
to accept varied cultural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
and enjoying
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
difficult to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
religion
.
However
, I believe it is fabulous example of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
multicultural
it is nice to
Did you mean "gather"?
gathering
from
Possible agreement error. The noun religion seems to be countable; consider using: "many religions".
many religion
.

There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
advantages of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
multicultural
society,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
they are various type of learn lifestyles.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
multicultural
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the concept of racism and maintaining harmony. They have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
experience for food, clothes, festivals, and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
religions
. In India, Traditional festivals like Diwali,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Navratri
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Eid
, Christmas, and
Possible spelling mistake found.
holi
there all are celebrating together.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
some
times
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are arrange the party for new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
peoples
meets. They are spending a time each
The noun should be probably in the singular form: "other"?
others
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
beautiful
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
true bounds. Divers cultural will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
a country to boost economy and social development.

In
further
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Multicultural
society have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
Did you mean "problems"?
problem
like
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have language barrier and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
kinds of miss understanding.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
are adopting new
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
culture and
then they have
Use past participle here: "reduced".
reduce
native
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
. In few humans are not interest to adopting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
religion
they don’t like to collaboration.

In my opinion, there are more merits to having
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
multicultural
society, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
know how to deal with cultural difference. Economy development and new
Apostrophe might be missing. Did you mean "skills'" or "skill's"?
skills
acquisition are the major befits when we embrace
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
ethic background.
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IELTS essay MULTICULTURAL SOCIETIES, IN WHICH THERE IS A MIXTURE OF DIFFERENT ETHNIC PEOPLE, BRING MORE BENEFIT THAN DRAWBAKCS TO A COUNTRY.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
255 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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