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MUCH MONEY BRING THE HAPPIENSS

MUCH MONEY BRING THE HAPPIENSS nERJK
There is no doubt that, these days people need a lot of money to cover life needs. The question is, is the money main reason to happiness? In this essay I am going to discuss this issue. In terms of money and happiness, at this time the majority of people need to earn more money or get other income, to cover all life needs such as buy a house. The main reason given to support this claim is that every things these days become expensive, which force people to work long time or get two jobs to cover every things such as, buy a house, car, rent, and pay internet fees, and pay for education at the university and also to travel to change their feelings. however people if can not cover life needs they will be depressed or sad or also the person become moody. In other word, yes money these days main reason to bring happiness. Furthermore, there are also factors for happiness for example, have a good health, meet family and friends, sleep well. Moreover, I thing people with no much money will not be that much happy, because they will no be able to cover all life needs which make them under the stress, the reasons are the can no buy house or pay rent for good house and can not pay for education. In other word, that make people overthinking and get depressed or sad. In conclusion, yes money which can cover all life needs is bring the happiness. On the other side, have family and friends, travelling in free time, have a good health are factors for happiness. By the way, money still the main reason these days.
There is no doubt that, these days
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people
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need
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
to
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cover
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life
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needs
. The question is, is the
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money
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main
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
to
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happiness
? In this essay I am going to discuss this issue.

In terms of
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money
and
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happiness
, at this time the majority of
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people
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need
to earn more
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money
or
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get
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other
income, to
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cover
all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
needs
such as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
a
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house
. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
main
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reason
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
to support this claim is that every
The noun should be probably in the singular form: "thing"?
things
these days become expensive, which force
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to work long time or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
two jobs to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cover
every
The noun should be probably in the singular form: "thing"?
things
such as,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
house
, car, rent, and
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pay
internet fees, and
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pay
for education at the university and
also
to travel to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
their feelings.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
however
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people
if can not
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cover
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life
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
needs
they will
be depressed
or sad or
also
the person become moody. In
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other
word, yes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
these days
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
main
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reason
to bring
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
.
Furthermore
, there are
also
factors for
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happiness
for example
, have a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
health,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
family and friends, sleep well.

Moreover
, I
Did you mean the verb "think"?
thing
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people
with
Did you mean "now" (=at this moment) instead of 'no' (negation)?
no
much
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money
will not be that much happy,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they will
Did you mean "now" (=at this moment) instead of 'no' (negation)?
no
be able to
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cover
all
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life
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
needs
which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them under the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
, the
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reasons
are the can no
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buy
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house
or
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pay
rent for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
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house
and can not
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pay
for education. In
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other
word, that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
overthinking and
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get
depressed or sad.

In conclusion
, yes
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money
which can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cover
all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
needs
is
Consider using a past participle here: "brought".
bring
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
. On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
side, have family and friends, travelling in free time, have a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
health are factors for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
. By the way,
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money
still
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
main
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
these days.
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IELTS essay MUCH MONEY BRING THE HAPPIENSS

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
284 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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