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In order to reduce crime we need to attack the proverty and lack of education

In order to reduce crime we need to attack the proverty and lack of education XlnXq
The poverty and insufficient of educational opportunities are the factor that we need to focus with the aim of decline crime. from my point of view I agree that people should look at this point. In the following paragraphs is the reason to support my opinion will be discussed in detail. To begin with, I strongly believe that criminal is not commit the crime because just they want to. but the poverty is the significant factor make them to do. when they have no money the easy way to get it is commit the crime just steal purse until big case is bank robbery. furthermore, there is a large number of people who did not have opportunities to study. It will increase more crime. due to they do not have the knowledge to think by themselves what is wrong or right. when they are not have education is mean it hard to apply a job. it is this main factor should to get look after. it should be improved by government to make everyone can approach the education. Although, there are lots of police officers on the street and have prison sentence to punishment. but it cannot fixed all of them. The proper way is we should to fix from the beginning. some people maybe think that prison sentence is the best way to punishment as it could affected to criminals in many aspects, however it depends on the individual if it occur to criminals who do not care anything that is nothing good. they will do this again and again. repeat it like cycle. In conclusion, there are many way to decrease crime. apart from have many alternatives to prison. the best way is the education can accessible to everyone. it will take times, but the result will be effective.
The poverty and insufficient of educational opportunities are the factor that we need to focus with the aim of decline
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
from
my point of view I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
should look at this point. In the following paragraphs is the reason to support my opinion will
be discussed
in detail.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, I
strongly
believe that criminal is not commit the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
they want to.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the poverty is the significant factor
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them to do. when they have no money the easy way to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
it is commit the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
steal purse until
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
case is bank robbery.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
furthermore
, there is
Specify a number, remove phrase, or simply use "many" or "numerous"
a large number of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who did not have opportunities to study. It will increase more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
due
to they do not have the knowledge to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
by themselves what is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
or right.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
when
they are not
Consider using a past participle here: "had".
have
education is mean it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to apply a job.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
it
is this main factor should to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
look after.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
it
should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
everyone can approach the education.

Although, there are lots of police officers on the street and have prison sentence to punishment.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
but
it cannot
The verb 'cannot' requires the base form of the verb: "fix"
fixed
all of them. The proper way is we should to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fix
from the beginning.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
maybe
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that prison sentence is the best way to punishment as it could
The verb 'could' requires the base form of the verb: "affect"
affected
to criminals in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
aspects,
however
it depends on the individual if it
Did you mean "occurs"?
occur
to criminals who do not care anything
that is
nothing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
they
will do this again and again.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
repeat
it like cycle.

In conclusion
, there are
Possible agreement error. The noun way seems to be countable; consider using: "many ways".
many way
to decrease
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
apart
from have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
alternatives to prison.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
the
best way is the education can accessible to everyone.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
it
will take times,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the result will be effective.
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IELTS essay In order to reduce crime we need to attack the proverty and lack of education

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
301 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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