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Movies and Television have more negative effects than positive effects on the way young people behave.

Movies and Television have more negative effects than positive effects on the way young people behave. NrWmb
Some people argue that movies, television, and other media have significant drawbacks on how young people behave. They cite the violence and overly sexual nature of these media to support their point. However, I strongly disagree with these people and believe that movies and television provide far more advantages for young people. I will support my view point with two reasons. First of all, movies and television positively impact the actions of young children because many of these films deliver positive messages to the audience. For example, it is common now for television shows to demonstrate that bullying is not the correct course of action for children at school. In the past, before these media were available, children would not have been able to learn about the negative effects of bullying and other bad behaviors, and thus they participate in them more frequently. It is important for children to be exposed to these positive messages because they are able to be influenced at such a young age. Their brains are still developing and it is important that they see positive reinforcement of good behaviors as often as possible. Thus, media and television are actually beneficial for children. Secondly, movies and television could change the negative mentality and neutralize the evil minds in people with good programs, which would directly influence the children by making them transform into a completely new, good person. For instance, a child may grow up in a surrounding that is ethically illegal and evil such as in the atmosphere of smuggling, drug dealing and thefts that would make them turn bad but this can be transformed by complete social comedy programs or the shows that portray the importance of being good. If these kinds of shows are not available to them, they may not be have an opportunity to get changed into a socially acceptable person. Moreover, this transformation is very helpful not only to the individual person concerned but also to the society as whole. The society will become less prone to most of the bad/ illegal activities taking place. In this way, movies and television are helpful for children. In conclusion, the issue of whether children should be able to watch significant amounts of television and movie is complex. Some have suggested that their viewing times be reduced because the media negatively influences their behavior. Nevertheless, I still contend that television and movies are advantageous for children and they have a wholly encouraging effect on their behavior.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
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people
argue that
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movies
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
, and other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
have significant drawbacks on how
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
behave. They cite the violence and
overly
sexual nature of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
to support their point.
However
, I
strongly
disagree with these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
provide far more advantages for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. I will support my view point with two reasons.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
positively
impact the actions of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
of these films deliver
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
messages to the audience.
For example
, it is common
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
to demonstrate that bullying is not the correct course of action for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
at school. In the past,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
were available,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
would not have been able to learn about the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effects of bullying and other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
behaviors
, and
thus
they participate in them more
frequently
. It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to
be exposed
to these
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
messages
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they are able to
be influenced
at such a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
age. Their brains are
still
developing and it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
that they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
reinforcement of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
behaviors
as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
as possible.
Thus
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
are actually beneficial for children.

Secondly
,
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movies
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
mentality and neutralize the evil minds in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
programs, which would
directly
influence the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
by making them transform into a completely new,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
person.
For instance
, a child may grow up in a surrounding
that is
ethically
illegal and evil such as in the atmosphere of smuggling, drug dealing and thefts that would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them turn
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
this can
be transformed
by complete social comedy programs or the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that portray the importance of being
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
. If these kinds of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
are not available to them, they may not be
Consider using a past participle here: "had".
have
an opportunity to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
into a
socially
acceptable person.
Moreover
, this transformation is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
helpful not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
to the individual person concerned
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
to the society as whole. The society will become less prone to most of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
/ illegal activities taking place. In this way,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
are helpful for children.

In conclusion
, the issue of whether
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should be able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
significant amounts of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movie
is complex.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
have suggested that their viewing times be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
negatively
influences their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
behavior
.
Nevertheless
, I
still
contend that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
are advantageous for
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
children and
they have a wholly encouraging effect on their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
behavior
.
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IELTS essay Movies and Television have more negative effects than positive effects on the way young people behave.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
413 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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