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Mothers play key roles in the upbringing of children. But in the recent times both parents are getting busy with professional life. Who in your opinion should take the responsibility of child care now? " v.2

Mothers play key roles in the upbringing of children. But in the recent times both parents are getting busy with professional life. Who in your opinion should take the responsibility of child care now? " v. 2
It is considered by many that mums are having an important place in the upbringing of their youngsters. Although, these days both of the parents are spending their time on their employment. In my point of view, I believe that both of the father and mother should realise that parenthood is really important in the child's future life. First of all, the tasks should be equally divided by both parents. The reason for this is that the women these days are providing the same hours at their employment as men. In other words, it will be unfair for them to do more than the males. For instance, a lot of modern female parents are doing the households after their job, which means that they don't have any spare time for themselves to relax. So, that's why it is significant to show empathy and be grateful for your partner. Secondly, this way it is possible for the women to develop herself and start a career. This is because they will have less pressure on themselves when the husband is helping them with the kids. For example, the responsibilities can be divided so both will have some duties. All in all, this the housewife will decrease in a few decades. To conclude, mothers are playing a key role in the upbringing of the counterparts. However, both of the parents are getting busy in their professional life. In my opinion, I strongly believe that both parents should make time for their children, because it will be more equal and the wife can take a step further in her study.
It
is considered
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
that
Possible spelling mistake found.
mums
are having an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
place in the upbringing of their youngsters.
“Although” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Although
, these days both of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are spending their time on their employment. In my point of view, I believe that both of the father and mother should
Possible spelling mistake. 'realise' is British English.
realise
that parenthood is
really
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
in the child's future life.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, the tasks should be
equally
divided by both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
.
The reason for this is
that the women these days are providing the same hours at their employment as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
.
In other words
, it will be unfair for them to do more than the males.
For instance
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
modern female
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are doing the households after their job, which means that they don't have any spare time for themselves to relax.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, that's why it is significant to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
empathy and be grateful for your partner.

Secondly
, this way it is possible for the women to develop herself and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
a career. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they will have less pressure on themselves when the husband is helping them with the kids.
For example
, the responsibilities can
be divided
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
both will have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
duties. All in all, this the housewife will decrease in a few decades.

To conclude
, mothers are playing a key role in the upbringing of the counterparts.
However
, both of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are getting busy in their professional life. In my opinion, I
strongly
believe that both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
time for their children,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it will be more equal and the wife can take a step
further
in her study.
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Mothers play key roles in the upbringing of children. But in the recent times both parents are getting busy with professional life. Who in your opinion should take the responsibility of child care now? " v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
266 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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