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Mother and father would like to attend childcare training course for their children. What extent you agree with this opinion.

Mother and father would like to attend childcare training course for their children. What extent you agree with this opinion. 8LEX5
Nowadays, it is undeniable that caring a child is becoming a big issue among parents, whereas this problem has been augmented tremendously in the world. However, Some people believe that children childcare programs are very prominent for mothers and fathers for their kids. I fully agree with this notion, and I will narrate my views below. First of all, it is clear that One of the main factor so that childcare training course is very important for parents. One of the main reasons why this is dramatically vital to the children owing to becoming a decent human. In other words, while parents may teach a good things to their babies, the children would become a decent person in their life. As a result, it impacts positively, as well as they will become a good human being. For example, a study carried out and showed that the ratio for talented kids has been increased drastically due to providing childcare training courses in the USA. Moreover, it can be seen that this is far essential for the children because of education. In addition, many experts believe that if mothers and fathers may be gave a significance education to their kids, they will understand wrong things and bad things in their life. Therefore, it would be impacted significantly, yet the crime rate would be dropped considerably among them. For instance, research conducted recently and stated that when the education figure had been inclined remarkably in the USA among kids since 2000, the ratio for child's crime has been decreased gradually in the USA for the last 21 years. In conclusion, although I believe that childcare training is very significant for the children, I think that this is very beneficial for becoming a decent person as well as getting a good education.
Nowadays, it is undeniable that caring a child is becoming a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
issue among parents, whereas this problem has
been augmented
tremendously
in the world.
However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
childcare programs are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
prominent for mothers and fathers for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
. I
fully
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this notion, and I will narrate my views below.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that One of the main factor
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that childcare training course is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for parents. One of the main reasons why this is
dramatically
vital to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
owing to becoming a decent human.
In other words
, while parents may teach a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "thing"?
things
to their babies, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
would become a decent person in their life.
As a result
, it impacts
positively
,
as well
as they will become a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
human being.
For example
, a study carried out and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
that the ratio for talented
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
has
been increased
drastically
due to providing childcare training courses in the USA.
Moreover
, it can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that this is far essential for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
.
In addition
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
experts believe that if mothers and fathers may be
Did you mean "give"?
gave
a significance
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
, they will understand
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
things and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
things in their life.
Therefore
, it would
be impacted
significantly
,
yet
the crime rate would
be dropped
considerably
among them.
For instance
, research conducted recently and stated that when the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
figure had
been inclined
remarkably
in the USA among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
since 2000, the ratio for child's crime has
been decreased
gradually
in the USA for the last 21 years.

In conclusion
, although I believe that childcare training is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
significant for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that this is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
beneficial for becoming a decent person
as well
as getting a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
.
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IELTS essay Mother and father would like to attend childcare training course for their children. What extent you agree with this opinion.

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
298 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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