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MOST SOCIETIES HAVE HOMELESS PEOPLE. SOME PEOPLE THINK THAT THE BEST WAY TO HELP THEM IS TO GIVE THEM MONEY. TO WHAT EXTENT YOU AGREE?

MOST SOCIETIES HAVE HOMELESS PEOPLE. SOME PEOPLE THINK THAT THE BEST WAY TO HELP THEM IS TO GIVE THEM MONEY. pRVbD
As human race have entered the 21st century, the condition of poor people have not improved, but worsened. Many homeless people can be found alongside roads, under bridges and in front of religious places. Some are coming up with ideas of giving them money for their survival. I disagree with their notion and like to express my thoughts on it. To start with, giving money to needy ones is not the remedy of this situation. Money will provide them temporary form of satisfaction, which is going to last with them for few hours. That money will suffice the hunger of person, but not enough to buy him/her a home. Instead, one must come up with permanent solution to counter this growing situation. In addition, by offering them money, these homeless category will become lazy and will always expect offerings in some form. Many of beggars have become largely dependent on these offered sources of income and forgot about earnings by hard workings. And why one would work if he/she is earning by just sitting idle? People might be offering by looking at their pitiful condition, but it might be a case that borrower have earned fortunes by accepting such offerings. Interestingly, same was the case of local beggar in Mumbai, who was earning 77, 000 per month by just begging and was owner of 2 apartments. Instead, homeless people should be encouraged to make earning by working. Government can step in this situation, and can utilize homeless person’s physical ability for numerous activities. They can be assigned role of gardeners in public parks, sweepers and with some training can be used as construction workers. In this way, they will have stable source of income. Chances of affording shelter is only possible on permanent source of income. This initiative can further reduce the presence of beggars and homeless people on roads, a problem most commonly faced in developing nations. To conclude, offering money to homeless persons is not going to buy them home, instead these money is making them more lethargic. However, with help of concerned authorities, homeless persons can be employed in activities, convincing them to earn in a good way. So, I disagree with this thinking.
As human race have entered the 21st century, the condition of poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
worsened.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
homeless
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
be found
alongside roads, under bridges and in front of religious places.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
are coming up with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
of giving them
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
for their survival. I disagree with their notion and like to express my thoughts on it.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
with, giving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
to needy ones is not the remedy of this situation.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Money
will provide them temporary form of satisfaction, which is going to last with them for few hours. That
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
will suffice the hunger of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
him/her a home.
Instead
, one
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
up with permanent solution to counter this growing situation.

In addition
, by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
offering
them
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
homeless
category will become lazy and will always
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expect
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
offerings
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
form.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
of beggars have become
largely
dependent on these offered sources of income and forgot about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
earnings
by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
workings. And why one would work if he/she is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
earning
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
sitting idle?
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
might be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
offering
by looking at their pitiful condition,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it might be a case
The verb 'have' is plural. Did you mean: "that borrower has"? Did you use a verb instead of a noun?
that borrower have
earned fortunes by accepting such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
offerings
.
Interestingly
, same was the case of local beggar in Mumbai, who was
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
earning
77, 000 per month by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
begging and was owner of 2 apartments.

Instead
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
homeless
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should
be encouraged
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
earning
by working.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Government
can step in this situation, and can utilize
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
homeless
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person’s
physical ability for numerous activities. They can
be assigned
role of gardeners in public parks, sweepers and with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
training can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
as construction workers. In this way, they will have stable source of income. Chances of affording shelter is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
possible on permanent source of income. This initiative can
further
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the presence of beggars and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
homeless
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
on roads, a problem most
commonly
faced in developing nations.

To conclude
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
offering
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
homeless
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
persons
is not going to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
them home,
instead
these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
is making them more lethargic.
However
, with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of concerned authorities,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
homeless
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
persons
can
be employed
in activities, convincing them to earn in a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
way.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, I disagree with this thinking.
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IELTS essay MOST SOCIETIES HAVE HOMELESS PEOPLE. SOME PEOPLE THINK THAT THE BEST WAY TO HELP THEM IS TO GIVE THEM MONEY.

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
367 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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