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Describe the future plan which is not related to work and study

Describe the future plan which is not related to work and study 3akwX
The plan in future I would say is opening a dance studio for kids and the adults in my hometown. This idea appearing from my hobby - dancing and I have just found studios in the central city. They need a place to exercise and sometimes ignore from busy life. Opening a dance studio would not be an easy task. I will need to manage the necessary budget, invest facilities, space, decorating and particularly large minors and sound system. . . another vital thing is getting appropriate dance teacher. Honestly, I have this plan for a very long. However, the realization started up in my mind these difficulties when I got admitted in university, pop thinking more. Hopefully, I can resolve them on order to fulfill the plan in the near future.
The plan in future I would say is opening a dance studio for kids and the adults in my hometown. This
idea
appearing from my hobby
-
dancing and I have
just
found studios in the central city. They need a place to exercise and
sometimes
ignore
from busy life. Opening a dance studio would not be an easy task. I will need to manage the necessary budget, invest facilities, space, decorating and
particularly
large minors and sound system.
.
.
another
vital thing is getting appropriate dance teacher.
Honestly
, I have this plan for a
very
long.
However
, the realization
started
up in my mind these difficulties when I
got
admitted in university, pop thinking more.
Hopefully
, I can resolve them on order to fulfill the plan in the near future.
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IELTS essay Describe the future plan which is not related to work and study

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
132 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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