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Most schools are planning to replace sport and exercise classes with more academic sessions. How will this change affect children’s lives in your view?

Most schools are planning to replace sport and exercise classes with more academic sessions. How will this change affect children’s lives in your view? XAJA
The debate between where to allocate valuable teaching resources probably started with the first educational institutions. In present-day society the conflict continues and rightly so. In my opinion converting sports classes to more traditional subjects has two significant advantages. Firstly, it is a more effective use of a student’s time. Secondly, in the future, academic skills are more useful. time spent learning.
The debate between where to allocate valuable teaching resources
probably
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
with the
first
educational institutions. In present-day society the conflict continues and
rightly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
. In my opinion converting sports classes to more traditional subjects has two significant advantages.
Firstly
, it is a more effective
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of a student’s time.
Secondly
, in the future, academic
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
are more useful.

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
time
spent learning.

IELTS essay Most schools are planning to replace sport and exercise classes with more academic sessions. How will this change affect children’s lives in your view?

Essay
  American English
2 paragraphs
62 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
4.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
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    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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