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Most people today own a smart phone. Is this a positive or a negative development for society?

Most people today own a smart phone. Is this a positive or a negative development for society? jRxRy
Mobile phones are ubiquitous in modern society, no longer being seen as a luxury, but as a necessity. However, I believe that this trend has had awholly positive impact by increasing the productivity and decreasing the communication gap between the citizens and the government. Firstly, smart phones allow workers to be more productive now than in the past. Smart phones are essentially small computers, and being able to receive emails, organize meetings, and access documents from one portable device has transformed the way that people do business. This will in turn lead to a faster and developed economy as a result. Take, for example, a society where people are connected with such gadgets can use the technology not only for improving the speed of production but also in increasing the marketing scope or delivering speed. Another positive result of smart phones has been the improvement in communication between governments and individuals. In the past, gaining access to government services required people physically going to an office and filling out forms by hand, which saves time, money and energy. Today, however, almost all services are accessible online via an app. In addition, many governments are taking advantage of the fact that most of their citizens use social media, and using applications like Facebook or twitter to spread information in times of crisis, such as in a flood or during spread of pandemics, thus helping to save lives. In conclusion, not only has the spread of smart phones resulted in people being more productive, but it has helped in improving the communication between government and people. Therefore, I believe that it is a wholly positive development.
Mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
are ubiquitous in modern society, no longer being
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
as a luxury,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
as a necessity.
However
, I believe that this trend has had
Possible spelling mistake found.
awholly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
impact by increasing the productivity and decreasing the communication gap between the citizens and the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
.

Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smart
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
workers to be more productive
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
than in the

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
past
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Smart
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
are
essentially
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
computers, and being able
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
to


receive emails, organize meetings, and access documents from one

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
portable
device has transformed the way that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do business. This
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
will


This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
in
turn lead to a faster and developed economy
as a result
. Take, for

example, a society where
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are connected
with such gadgets can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use


the technology not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
for improving the speed of production
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
in

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
increasing
the marketing scope or delivering speed.

Another
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
result of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smart
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
has been the improvement in

communication between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
and individuals. In the past,
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
gaining


This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
access
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
services required
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
physically
going to an office and filling out forms by hand, which saves time, money and energy.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Today
,
however
, almost all services are accessible online via an app.
In addition
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
are taking advantage of the fact that most of their citizens
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
social media, and using applications like Facebook or twitter to spread information in times of crisis, such as in a flood or during spread of pandemics,
thus
helping to save
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.

In conclusion
, not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
has the spread of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smart
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
resulted in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people


This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
being
more productive,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
in improving the communication between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
Therefore
, I believe that it is a wholly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
development.
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IELTS essay Most people today own a smart phone. Is this a positive or a negative development for society?

Essay
  American English
13 paragraphs
274 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
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    One main idea per paragraph
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  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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