Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

Most people think that children should be busy with their hobby while others believe that they should participate in physical activities

Most people think that children should be busy with their hobby while others believe that they should participate in physical activities kLMP8
In this day and age, more and more contemporary attention has been placed on the opinion that children are advised to partake in scheduled activities in their spare time. However, other people argue that children should be liberty at doing everything that they love. From my perspective, I subscribe to the latter idea. On the one hand, if organized activities are outdoor pursuits and children do not show their fascination with them, it will prove challenging to force children to follow scheduled activities. This is because children only want to engage in pursuits that they are truly fascinated by. For instance, a child having a great passion for drawings will seldom lean toward participating in sports activities, so it is virtually impossible to organize this kind of activity for him or her. In addition, in the case that children are allowed to join their favourite outdoor pursuits, this means father and mother respect their offspring’s options, leading to the fact that it will be less likely to have conflicts between them and their children when it comes to this problem. On the other hand, there are a lot of other activities which should be scheduled by parents or teachers. Firstly, those are ones which are helpful to society such as doing charity or voluntary works. To be more specific, these activities will educate children on the significance of sharing and sympathizing with other people, so they will help them understand humane values. Thus, it is necessary to schedule this type of activity for children. Secondly, learning survival skills can become a pursuit that ought to be organized by teachers or parents. When partaking in this activity, children will have great opportunities to comprehend the importance of survival skills in their real life and through that, they will have more motivation to be proficient in those skills like swimming. In conclusion, with all the reasons mentioned above, I strongly believe that children should have the freedom to engage in any pursuit that they feel interested in but in some cases, scheduled activities are necessary.
In this day and age, more and more contemporary attention has
been placed
on the opinion that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are advised
to partake in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
scheduled
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
in their spare time.
However
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
argue that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should be liberty at doing everything that they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
. From my perspective, I subscribe to the latter
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
.

On the one hand, if organized
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
are outdoor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pursuits
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
their fascination with them, it will prove challenging
Did you mean "forcing"? Or maybe you should add a pronoun? In active voice, 'challenge' + 'to' takes an object, usually a pronoun.
to force
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to follow
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
scheduled
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
want to engage in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pursuits
that they are
truly
fascinated by.
For instance
, a child having a great passion for drawings will seldom lean toward participating in sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
it is
virtually
impossible to organize this kind of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
for him or her.
In addition
, in the case that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
join
their
Possible spelling mistake. 'favourite' is British English.
favourite
outdoor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pursuits
, this means father and mother respect their offspring’s options, leading to the fact that it will be less likely to have conflicts between them and their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
when it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
to this problem.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
which should be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
scheduled
by parents or teachers.
Firstly
, those are ones which are helpful to society such as doing charity or voluntary works. To be more specific, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
will educate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
on the significance of sharing and sympathizing with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them understand humane values.
Thus
, it is necessary to schedule this type of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
Secondly
, learning survival
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
can become a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pursuit
that ought to
be organized
by teachers or parents. When partaking in this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
will have great opportunities to comprehend the importance of survival
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
in their real life and through that, they will have more motivation to be proficient in those
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
like swimming.

In conclusion
, with all the reasons mentioned above, I
strongly
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should have the freedom to engage in any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pursuit
that they feel interested in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
cases,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
scheduled
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
are necessary.
What do you think?
  • This is funny writingFunny
  • I love this writingLove
  • This writing has blown my mindWow
  • It made me angryAngry
  • It made me sadSad

IELTS essay Most people think that children should be busy with their hobby while others believe that they should participate in physical activities

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
343 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Recent posts