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Most people agree that money cannot buy happiness. How can people achieve happiness

It is widely believed by some people that the sunny days of people do not depend on the money. I totally disagree with this statement and front my perspective being with family members can also bring to you sweet life. On the one hand, good income may be an important thing in a happy life. It means that if a person earns some money which is not enough for his life he will be angry and also will disappear his happy life, as well as, the person will be enabled to buy some things or products that are caused to happiness. For instance when we compare two people with distinct overcome, like one have good income and the second person with worst overcome, we can see the first person's life fill with happiness but another get difficulties with money. Other wordly, there exist strong interaction between money and happy life. On the other hand, acquiring loving family takes over position of money in happy life. In other words, close-knit family holds vital importance in sweet life, because really good relationship with family member dispel any difficulty of earning little money and also bring to people as well as to family happiness. For example majority of people find their happiness from their loving family rather than income or money. Moreover, sweat life with good family also may cause to increase of family overcome. As I conclude, although money is important thing for happy life, living in close –knit family can hold most vital position in happiness.
It is
widely
believed by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
that the sunny days of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do not depend on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
. I
totally
disagree with this statement and front my perspective being with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
members can
also
bring to
Did you mean “your”?
you
sweet life.

On the one hand,
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good
income may be an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
thing in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. It means that if a person earns
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
which is not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
for his
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life
he will be angry and
also
will disappear his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
,
as well
as, the person will
be enabled
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
things or products that
are caused
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
.
For instance
when we compare two
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people
with distinct overcome, like one have
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good
income and the second person with worst overcome, we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
the
first
person's
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life
fill with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
another
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
difficulties with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
. Other
wordly
, there exist strong interaction between
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money
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happy
life.

On the other hand
, acquiring loving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
takes over position of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
In other words
, close-knit
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family
holds vital importance in sweet
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life
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
really
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good
relationship with
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family
member dispel any difficulty of earning
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
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money
and
also
bring to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
as well
as to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
.
For example
majority of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
find their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
from their loving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
rather
than income or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
.
Moreover
, sweat
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
also
may cause
Did you mean “increasing”? Or maybe you should add a pronoun? In active voice, ‘cause’ + ‘to’ takes an object, usually a pronoun.
to increase
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
overcome.

As I conclude, although
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money
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
thing for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
, living in close –knit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
can hold most vital position in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
.
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IELTS essay Most people agree that money cannot buy happiness. How can people achieve happiness

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
255 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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