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Most people agree that money cannot be happiness. Why is happiness difficult to define? How can people achieve happiness.

It is often said that money could not be the only way that made people happy. Indeed, there are various factors other than money that can bring happiness to people's life. Mainly, happiness notion is varied from person to person and this obstructs to give a proper definition for happiness. There are plenty of ways through which people can achieve happiness. Happiness is a subjective feeling which makes it hard to define. Because, key factors of happiness could be changed regarding to the individual's need. As different people have expected different things from life, hence, it would led to various conceptions of happiness. Generally speaking, had people's needs been fulfilled, they would have tended to feel happy. Furthermore, as the needs of people change over the years, the factors influencing their happiness also change, making it more difficult to define happiness. For example, a bar of chocolate is able to make a child happy, while, it will not be successful enough on adults. Money might be a source of happiness for an adult but it is of little value for a child. Different methods could be exemplified in order to feeling happy. Firstly, basic needs for living such as shelter and food should be adequate reasons for happiness. From the first glance, they could be seen rudimentary factors, but, if we took into account poverty level in some countries, they would be sufficient. Secondly, another factor leading to happiness is a loving family and friends. If the people in an individual’s life are loving and caring, they tend to be happy. Finally, people feel happy when they serve the society and contribute towards making it a better place to live in. For instance, a doctor might find happiness in treating people for free. In conclusion, there are several factors that can contribute towards happiness of different individuals. However, specific factors which make individuals happy are those which satisfy their needs at that point of time.
It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
said that money could not be the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
way that made
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happy
.
Indeed
, there are various
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factors
other than money that can bring
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's life.
Mainly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
notion
is varied
from person to person and this obstructs to give a proper definition for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
of ways through which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can achieve happiness.

Happiness is a subjective feeling which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to define.
“Because” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Because
, key
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factors
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
could be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
The phrase 'regarding to' is not correct. Use "regarding" or "regard to".
regarding to
the individual's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
. As
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different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expected
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
things from life,
hence
, it would
The verb 'would' requires the base form of the verb: "lead"
led
to various conceptions of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
.
Generally
speaking, had
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
needs
"needs been" is only accepted in certain dialects. For something more widely acceptable, try "been" or "to be been".
been
fulfilled, they would have tended to feel
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happy
.
Furthermore
, as the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
needs
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
over the years, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factors
influencing their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
, making it more difficult to define
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
.
For example
, a bar of chocolate is able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a child
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happy
, while, it will not be successful
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
on adults. Money might be a source of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
for an adult
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it is of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
value for a child.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Different
methods could
be exemplified
in order to
Did you mean "feel"?
feeling
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happy
.
Firstly
, basic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
needs
for living such as shelter and food should be adequate reasons for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
. From the
first
glance, they could be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
rudimentary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factors
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
, if we took into account poverty level in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
countries, they would be sufficient.
Secondly
, another
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factor
leading to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
is a loving family and friends. If the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in an individual’s life
The verb 'loving' is a stative verb and sometimes the progressive form is not correct. Try a simple form instead.
are loving
and caring, they tend to be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happy
.
Finally
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
feel
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happy
when they serve the society and contribute towards making it a better place to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in.
For instance
, a doctor might find
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
in treating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
for free.
In conclusion
, there are several
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factors
that can contribute towards
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
individuals.
However
, specific
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factors
which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
individuals
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happy
are those which satisfy their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
needs
at that point of time.
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IELTS essay Most people agree that money cannot be happiness. Why is happiness difficult to define? How can people achieve happiness.

Essay
  American English
2 paragraphs
325 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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