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most of the people believe that mobile phones should be banned in public places like liabrary, hotels, shops

most of the people believe that mobile phones should be banned in public places like liabrary, hotels, shops OyNpd
Most of the people are addicted with the phones. Wherever they go mobiles are the essential thing to Carry but usage of mobile phones during some events and places can create disturbance for other people and because of that reason some individuals believe that use of mobile phones should be restricted in public places and I don’t totally agree with the argument of banning this device in public places. In the next few paragraphs, I will put some points to support my opinion. There are many negative consequences of using mobile phone in public areas. Firstly, sounds or ringtones of phones may break concentration of surrounding people who are doing something with focus. Secondly, our way of talking during phone calls such as screaming or talking loudly can disturb people around us. For example, if students are trying to study peacefully in library and act of someone like that can interrupt their focus. Thirdly, make use of phones while driving can draw attention of driver from roads and may become the cause of accidents. However, nowadays phones have very useful features which make our lives convenient. Firstly, to make payments in shops, hotels, hospitals phones are required. Secondly, mobiles are very useful in studying. Therefore, not only usage of phones except taking on the calls should be allowed but strict guideline of keeping phones in silent mode should be followed. To conclude, phones have numerous advantages as well as disadvantages but appropriate usage of phones should be allowed or banned based on the places.
Most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are addicted
with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
. Wherever they go mobiles are the essential thing to Carry
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
usage of mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
during
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
can create disturbance for other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of that reason
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
individuals believe that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
should
be restricted
in public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
and I don’t
totally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the argument of banning this device in public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
. In the
next
few paragraphs, I will put
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
points to support my opinion.

There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
consequences of using mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
in public areas.
Firstly
, sounds or ringtones of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
may break concentration of surrounding
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who are doing something with focus.
Secondly
, our way of talking during
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
calls such as screaming or talking
loudly
can disturb
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
around us.
For example
, if students are trying to study
peacefully
in library and act of someone like that can interrupt their focus.
Thirdly
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
while driving can draw attention of driver from roads and may become the cause of accidents.

However
, nowadays
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
useful features which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
convenient.
Firstly
, to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
payments in shops, hotels, hospitals
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
are required
.
Secondly
, mobiles are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
useful in studying.
Therefore
, not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
usage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
except taking on the calls should be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
strict guideline of keeping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
in silent mode should
be followed
.

To conclude
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
have numerous advantages
as well
as disadvantages
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
appropriate usage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
should be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
or banned based on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
.
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IELTS essay most of the people believe that mobile phones should be banned in public places like liabrary, hotels, shops

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
254 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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