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Today people prefer to work, shop and communicate online. Is it a positive or negative development?

Today people prefer to work, shop and communicate online. Is it a positive or negative development? lRmB9
The advent of the internet has resulted in the increasing popularity of online platforms and websites for different purposes, such as online shopping, communication and telecommuting. While I admit that working online leads to drawbacks, I also believe that shopping and communicating via the internet is clearly a positive trend. Admittedly, using the global network for work is mostly a negative trend because of the main problem poor productivity. By working at home, employees are frequently bothered by their family members and often need to engage in household activities, thereby not paying enough attention to their job responsibilities. However, internet shopping can be considered as a positive change. By using online platforms, people facilitate the process of purchasing products. Even though they can be the victims of online shopping frauds, customers can choose the reliable websites and read reviews about their sellers within a very short period of time. Thus, even without face-to-face communication, one can order a product with a click of a button. Communicating online can also enable users of reliable social networks to broaden their networking through online communities, which may help many in their careers. A case in point is one of the most popular social platforms - LinkedIn network - thanks to which many people communicate with human resource managers of giant companies so as to find suitable and high-paying jobs many of which could be hardly found without networking. In conclusion, this development is welcome since it make product purchases easier and helps many people to find decent jobs and help workers to focus on their job responsibilities without distraction and under the supervision of their employers
The advent of the internet has resulted in the increasing popularity of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
platforms and websites for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
purposes, such as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
, communication and telecommuting. While I admit that working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
leads to drawbacks, I
also
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
and communicating via the internet is
clearly
a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
trend.

Admittedly
, using the global network for work is
mostly
a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
trend
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the main problem poor productivity. By working at home, employees are
frequently
bothered by their family members and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
need to engage in household activities, thereby not paying
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
attention to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
responsibilities.

However
, internet
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
can
be considered
as a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
. By using
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
platforms,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
facilitate the process of purchasing products.
Even though
they can be the victims of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
frauds, customers can choose the reliable websites and read reviews about their sellers within a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
short period of time.
Thus
, even without face-to-face communication, one can order a product with a click of a button.

Communicating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
can
also
enable users of reliable social networks to broaden their networking through
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
communities, which may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
in their careers. A case in point is one of the most popular social platforms
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
-
LinkedIn network
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
-
thanks to which
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
communicate with human resource managers of giant
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
'So as to' expresses purpose and is used in formal texts. Consider using "to"
so as to
find suitable and high-paying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
of which could be hardly found without networking.

In conclusion
, this development is welcome since it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
product
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchases
easier and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to find decent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
workers to focus on their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
responsibilities without distraction and under the supervision of their employers
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IELTS essay Today people prefer to work, shop and communicate online. Is it a positive or negative development?

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
272 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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