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Most modern families have both parents working as a result children spend less and less time with their parents. What is the reason for this? What problems can this cause?

Most modern families have both parents working as a result children spend less and less time with their parents. What is the reason for this? What problems can this cause? jR9oN
Nowadays, most modern families have both parents working; as a result, children spend less and less time with their parents. In this essay, I will illustrate the reasons leading to this problem and the consequences it causes. To begin with, in the past, families usually had women staying at home to be a housewife carrying household chores and looking after children. Nevertheless, these days, women tend to work like men to earn more living and to support their families finances. Thereafter, they would send their children to kindergarten or having a babysitter in order to take care of their children instead of them. Nevertheless, by doing this, parents are affecting their children negatively. There is a fact that parents and children bond is less stronger than before. With so little time approaching their children, parents and children relationship will be drag further apart. As a result, they will understand each other less and can easily lead to unnecessary arguments between them. Equally important, children will not get proper parenting and instruction from parents; thus, they are not able to cope and identify harmful things in the society. For instance, children will unable to recognize different people and make friends with bad ones. To put it in a nutshell, because of the current economy, both parents have to spend most of their time working hard to be able
Nowadays, most modern families have both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
working;
as a result
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
spend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
less
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
less
time with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
. In this essay, I will illustrate the reasons leading to this problem and the consequences it causes.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, in the past, families
usually
had women staying at home to be a housewife carrying household chores and looking after
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
Nevertheless
, these days, women tend to work like
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
to earn more living and to support their families finances. Thereafter, they would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
send
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to kindergarten or having a babysitter in order to take care of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
instead
of them.

Nevertheless
, by doing this,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are affecting their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
negatively
. There is a fact that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
bond is
Non-standard use of the comparative or superlative. Did you mean "less strong"?
less stronger
than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
. With
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
time approaching their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
relationship will be drag
further
apart.
As a result
, they will understand each other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
less
and can
easily
lead to unnecessary arguments between them.
Equally
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
will not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
proper parenting and instruction from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
;
thus
, they are not able to cope and identify harmful things in the society.
For instance
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
will unable to recognize
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
friends with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
ones.

To put it in a nutshell,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
economy, both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
spend most of their time working
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to be able
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IELTS essay Most modern families have both parents working as a result children spend less and less time with their parents. What is the reason for this? What problems can this cause?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
226 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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