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Most modern families have both parents working and as a result children spend less and less time with their parents. What is the reason for this? What problems can this cause?

Most modern families have both parents working and as a result children spend less and less time with their parents. What is the reason for this? What problems can this cause? ljWnQ
These days, it is undeniable that the number of abandoned people still exist in spite of the effort to improve the situation. While distributing them money enough to lead a normal life seems to be a reasonable solution, I do not believe this will reduce the number of these people. To begin with, the positive aspect of providing homeless people with money certainly has many benefits. For example, by doing this, each individual can feel a sense of contribution to the society, therefore, their self-esteem will increase gradually. Generally speaking, it is believed that people derive happiness from contributing to something for a meaningful purpose. Another advantage of the notion is that helping others instill the significance of cooperation and equity in children. Children, influenced by others easily, can acknowledge that offering help to those people who are in a complicated situation is an essential element by witnessing once they become adults. In spite of these benefits, numerous disadvantages by doing so should not be overlooked. These include the possibility of money being squandered, people objecting to the strategy, and being taken advantage by those deficit individuals. First, those homeless people might waste money kindly given out by citizens for their pastime purposes. As homeless people do not have any idea by whom the donation is offered, they are likely to spend them on the opposite purposes that was intended. In addition to this, people might cast doubt on giving money without any rewards. In fact, according to the research, a number of them believe that people fall into poverty, as they did not strive to improve their situation. Lastly, those deficit people will demand more money exaggerating their current situation. Consequently, citizens would be deceived by the distorted fact that those people are in danger. In conclusion, while offering donation to those in need certainly have many positive aspects, in my view, we should to be reminded of negative consequences that might bring.
These days, it is undeniable that the number of abandoned
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
still
exist
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
in spite of
the effort to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
situation
. While distributing them
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to lead a normal life seems to be a reasonable solution, I do not believe this will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the number of these
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
aspect of providing homeless
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
certainly
has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
benefits.
For example
, by doing this, each individual can feel a sense of contribution to the society,
therefore
, their self-esteem will increase
gradually
.
Generally
speaking, it
is believed
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
derive happiness from contributing to something for a meaningful purpose. Another advantage of the notion is that helping others instill the significance of cooperation and equity in children. Children, influenced by others
easily
, can acknowledge that offering
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who are in a complicated
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
situation
is an essential element by witnessing once they become adults.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
In spite of
these benefits, numerous disadvantages by doing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
should not
be overlooked
. These include the possibility of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
being squandered
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
objecting to the strategy, and
being taken
advantage by those deficit individuals.
First
, those homeless
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
might waste
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
kindly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
out by citizens for their pastime purposes. As homeless
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do not have any
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
by whom the donation
is offered
, they are likely to spend them on the opposite purposes that
was intended
.
In addition
to this,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
might cast doubt on giving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
without any rewards. In fact, according to the research, a number of them believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
fall into poverty, as they did not strive to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
situation
.
Lastly
, those deficit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will demand more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
exaggerating their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
situation
.
Consequently
, citizens would
be deceived
by the distorted fact that those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
danger
.

In conclusion
, while offering donation to those in need
certainly
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
aspects, in my view, we should to
be reminded
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
consequences that might bring.
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IELTS essay Most modern families have both parents working and as a result children spend less and less time with their parents. What is the reason for this? What problems can this cause?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
324 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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