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Most modern families have both parents working. As a result, children are spending less time with their families. What problems can this cause?

Most modern families have both parents working. As a result, children are spending less time with their families. What problems can this cause? LBJ0r
The problems of children with both parents working are less emotional development, falling into an addiction, and not following orders. First, an emotional development is important in a child because it helps him in his social skills. For example, without this development a child could develop untrust in anyone, so he cannot work in a team to achieve a common goal, like having a family. In addition, if children do not have the presence of their parents, they are more likely to do drugs or alcohol because of the social pressure. For example, children who spend less time with their families are more vulnerable to being influenced by their friends into illegal activities. Finally, without an adult presence children will not learn obedience because their parents do not enforce any rule because of work. For example, children who have no rules at home are more likely to not follow any order of any superior because they do not know how. In conclusion, parents should establish time to spend with their children, so they will not have any problems in following orders, with law and in their emotional development.
The problems of
children
with both
parents
working are less emotional
development
, falling into an addiction, and not following orders.
First
, an emotional
development
is
important
in a child
because
it
helps
him in his social
skills
.
For example
, without this
development
a child could develop
untrust
in anyone,
so
he cannot work in a team to achieve a common goal, like having a family.
In addition
, if
children
do not have the presence of their
parents
, they are more likely to do drugs or alcohol
because
of the social pressure.
For example
,
children
who spend less time with their families are more vulnerable to
being influenced
by their friends into illegal activities.
Finally
, without an adult presence
children
will not learn obedience
because
their
parents
do not enforce any
rule
because
of work.
For example
,
children
who have no
rules
at home are more likely to not follow any order of any superior
because
they do not know how.
In conclusion
,
parents
should establish time to spend with their
children
,
so
they will not have any problems in following orders, with law and in their emotional
development
.
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IELTS essay Most modern families have both parents working. As a result, children are spending less time with their families. What problems can this cause?

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
188 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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