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Most high-level positions in companies are filled by men even though the workforce in many developed countries is more than 50persent female. Companies should be required to allocate a certain percentage of these positions to women. To what extend do you agree? v.5

Most high-level positions in companies are filled by men even though the workforce in many developed countries is more than 50persent female. Companies should be required to allocate a certain percentage of these positions to women. v. 5
In the past in our society women did not have full rights. Only men might vote, study and establish the cities. In the modern world, it must not be such kind of problem as gender discrimination. Nevertheless, female workers are filling the majority of employees in advanced countries, the senior positions often belong to males. In this controversial issue I would like to express my point of view on it. I totally agree with this approach and I consider that companies should spread top-level jobs among women. To begin with I guess that the only one appropriate reason to promote employees are their talents, skills and labour. And it does not matter what the gender they are. Every person must have an opportunity to move up the career ladder, if this person has professional knowledges, leader qualities and can organize the staff. But a statistic in the world is disappointing today. There are about 40% of women may occupy higher-level position at the best, but more frequently the situation far worse, for example Afghanistan. On the contrary, the critics claim that females have an unstable mental health or be too much emotion in the work process. Moreover, some men guess that they are smarter and more effective. It is an obsolete stereotype, but a majority of people all over the world believe in it. Then there is a lack of career obstacles for incompetent man to receive a job, though there are a lot of barriers for competent woman. To conclude it, I would like to say that gender discrimination is a serious problem that shows that our society are not enough develop nowadays.
In the past in our society women did not have full rights.
Only
men
might vote, study and establish the cities. In the modern world, it
must
not be such kind of problem as gender discrimination.
Nevertheless
, female workers are
filling the majority of
employees in advanced countries, the senior positions
often
belong to males. In this controversial issue I would like to express my point of view on it. I
totally
agree
with this approach and I consider that
companies
should spread top-level jobs among women.

To
begin
with I guess that the
only
one appropriate reason to promote employees are their talents,
skills
and
labour
. And it does not matter what the gender they are. Every person
must
have an opportunity to
move
up the career ladder, if this person has professional
knowledges
, leader qualities and can organize the staff.
But
a statistic in the world is disappointing
today
. There are about 40% of women may occupy higher-level position at the best,
but
more
frequently
the situation far worse,
for example
Afghanistan.

On the contrary
, the critics claim that females have an unstable mental health or be too much emotion in the work process.
Moreover
,
some
men
guess that they are smarter and more effective. It is an obsolete stereotype,
but
a majority of
people
all over the world believe in it. Then there is a lack of career obstacles for incompetent
man
to receive a job, though there are
a lot of
barriers for competent woman.

To conclude
it, I would like to say that gender discrimination is a serious problem that
shows
that our society are not
enough
develop nowadays.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Most high-level positions in companies are filled by men even though the workforce in many developed countries is more than 50persent female. Companies should be required to allocate a certain percentage of these positions to women. v. 5

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
274 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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