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Most developed countries spend a large proportion of their health budgets on expensive medical technology and procedures. This money should be spent instead of health education to keep people well. Do you agree or disagree:-

Most developed countries spend a large proportion of their health budgets on expensive medical technology and procedures. This money should be spent instead of health education to keep people well. : - YNkQ
It is true that, nowadays, due to more health hassels, developed countries spend a lot of money on expensive medical technologies and procedures. I agree with the statement which says that this money should be used on health education to keep people well. On the one hand, due to unhealthy lifestyle, it is crucial for countries to create awareness among individuals to keep them healthy and there are many reasons behind this. Firstly, in these days, people tend to eat readymade or fast food instead of cooking meal at homes and because of it, they get health hassels such as diabetes, heart diseases and so on. Secondly, in some regions of nations, people are poor and they do not afford to attend classes about health, so government uses health budgets on seminars, people are able to get knowledge about being stay hale abd hearty. Finally, if inhabitants are aware about, what to eat, how to exercise, they are able to avoid health issues and prevent themselves from being ill. On the other hand, it is true that in some cases, we need expensive medical technologies and procedures and there are several reasons why we use these amenties. Firstly, government spends a huge proportion of health budgets or medical services to make them more effective and accurate. For instance, doctors need a lot of equipments in case of heart or plastic surgeries and in some circumstances, such as, in major accidents, doctors need proper internal X-Ray or information to give them proper diagnose or treatment. In addition, hospitals do not need to buy these expensive equipments like MRI machines or City Scan machines regularly, they spend money on them in matter of upgrading or repairing. In conclusion, although, govenment spends high amount of health budgets to give proper treatment, they need to aware people about health issues and how to prevent themselves from these issues.
It is true that, nowadays, due to more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
Possible spelling mistake found.
hassels
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developed countries
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
money on expensive medical technologies and procedures. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the statement which says that this money should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
education to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
well. On the one hand, due to unhealthy lifestyle, it is crucial for countries to create awareness among individuals to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
them healthy and there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
reasons behind this.
Firstly
, in these days,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
tend to eat
Possible spelling mistake found.
readymade
or
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
food
instead
of cooking meal at homes and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of it, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
Possible spelling mistake found.
hassels
such as diabetes, heart diseases and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on.
Secondly
, in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
regions of nations,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
poor and
they do not afford to attend classes about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
uses
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
budgets on seminars,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
knowledge about being
Consider using a past participle here: "staid", "stayed".
stay
hale
Possible spelling mistake found.
abd
hearty.
Finally
, if inhabitants are aware about, what to eat, how to exercise, they are able to avoid
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
issues and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
themselves from being ill.
On the other hand
, it is true that in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
cases, we
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
expensive medical technologies and procedures and there are several reasons why we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
these
Possible spelling mistake found.
amenties
.
Firstly
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spends
a huge proportion of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
budgets or medical services to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them more effective and accurate.
For instance
, doctors
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
equipments in case of heart or plastic surgeries and in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
circumstances, such as, in major accidents, doctors
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
proper internal X-Ray or information to give them proper diagnose or treatment.
In addition
, hospitals do not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
these expensive equipments like MRI machines or City Scan machines
regularly
, they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
money on them in matter of upgrading or repairing.
In conclusion
, although,
Possible spelling mistake found.
govenment
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spends
high amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
budgets to give proper treatment, they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
to aware
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
issues and how to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
themselves from these issues.
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IELTS essay Most developed countries spend a large proportion of their health budgets on expensive medical technology and procedures. This money should be spent instead of health education to keep people well. : -

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
314 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
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  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
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    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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