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in some countries celebrities complaint about the way media publicise their private lives .Some people say that they should accept it as part of their fame . do you agree or disagree.

in some countries celebrities complaint about the way media publicise their private lives. Some people say that they should accept it as part of their fame. VgP7
It is true that, in some parts of the world, celebrities do not like the interference of media in their personal lives, while some people claim that celebrities should accept it. I totally disagree with this statement. on the one hand, celebrities do not like to share their personal secrets with others but media publicise their private lives in front of people. There are number of reasons why celebrities think so. firstly, everyone has some personal secrets which they do not want to share with others. Celebrities are also human beings. secondly, sometimes media make fake mews about the lifestyle of celebrities which they do not accept because it effects their privacy. On the second hand, some people said that celebrities such as politics, singers, sportsmen should accept it. Firstly, With this people know about them and about their lifestyle or hard work. Media play vital role because it gives latest news about celebrities. Secondly, youngsters love these celebrities as their role models. For this reason, they want to know more and more knowledge about them and they also follow their personal trend like fashion or living style. To sum up, although it is true that people like to know about celebrities but celebrities do not like this. I totally disagree with this idea.
It is true that, in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
parts of the world,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
do not like the interference of
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media
in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
, while
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
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people
claim that
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celebrities
should accept it. I
totally
disagree with this statement.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
on
the one hand,
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celebrities
do not like to share their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
secrets with others
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but
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media
Possible spelling mistake. 'publicise' is British English.
publicise
their private
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
in front of
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people
. There are number of reasons why
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celebrities
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
.
firstly
, everyone has
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some
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personal
secrets which they do not want to share with others.
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Celebrities
are
also
human beings.
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secondly
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
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media
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
fake mews about the lifestyle of
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celebrities
which they do not accept
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it effects their privacy. On the second hand,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
said that
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celebrities
such as politics, singers, sportsmen should accept it.
Firstly
, With this
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people
know about them and about their lifestyle or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
work.
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Media
play vital role
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it gives
A determiner is probably missing here: "the latest".
latest
news about
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celebrities
.
Secondly
, youngsters
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
as their role models.
For this reason
, they want to know more and more knowledge about
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
them and
they
also
follow their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
trend like fashion or living style. To sum up, although it is true that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
like to know about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
do not like this. I
totally
disagree with this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
.
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IELTS essay in some countries celebrities complaint about the way media publicise their private lives. Some people say that they should accept it as part of their fame.

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
214 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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