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more young adults than old citizens

more young adults than old citizens mwrK
Youth are the fuel of a county’s economy. Nowadays, the demography of some countries exhibits a higher number of younger people than older people. They are passionate and full of energy. I believe it has more advantages than disadvantages. An important benefit of higher young adults is that they are believed to be more energetic. So, the countries having more young adults mean they have higher productivity levels and that leads to higher GDP. Moreover, the younger adults are physically more capable. They can work hard and provide more service to society. A country that utilizes its youth properly will certainly achieve higher benefits. Furthermore, they can be entrepreneurs and initiate start-ups with their skillset. Another advantage of having a greater number of younger people is the knowledge of using technology. Because the use of technology can yield more efficiency, having higher youth meaning swifter results. For instance, an older citizen will take more time to record data manually than a young person who knows the use of excel. Additionally, they are very adaptive to change. However, if the youth are not guided properly, they might get derailed from the right path. As they are less experienced, they need guidance and consultation. Also, more young adults mean more people seeking jobs that might increase the unemployment rate of a country. For example, Bangladesh has a higher unemployment rate because of higher youths. In conclusion, the youth should be directed well for a better future. Their passion and capability of work are treasures for a country through which it can thrive.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Youth
Consider using third-person verb forms for singular and mass nouns: "is".
are
the fuel of a county’s economy. Nowadays, the demography of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
exhibits a higher number of younger
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
than older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. They are passionate and full of energy. I believe it has more advantages than disadvantages.

An
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
benefit of higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adults
is that they
are believed
to be more energetic.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
having more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adults
mean they have higher productivity levels and that leads to higher GDP.
Moreover
, the younger
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adults
are
physically
more capable. They can work
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
and provide more service to society. A
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
that utilizes its
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
youth
properly
will
certainly
achieve higher benefits.
Furthermore
, they can be entrepreneurs and initiate
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
-ups with their
Possible spelling mistake found.
skillset
.

Another advantage of having a greater number of younger
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
is the knowledge of using technology.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of technology can yield more efficiency, having higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
youth
meaning swifter results.
For instance
, an older citizen will take more time to record data
manually
than a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
person who knows the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of excel.
Additionally
, they are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
adaptive to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
.

However
, if the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
youth
are not guided
properly
, they might
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
derailed from the right path. As they are less experienced, they need guidance and consultation.
Also
, more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adults
mean more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
seeking jobs that might increase the unemployment rate of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
.
For example
, Bangladesh has a higher unemployment rate
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of higher youths.

In conclusion
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
youth
should
be directed
well for a better future. Their passion and capability of work are treasures for a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
through which it can thrive.
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IELTS essay more young adults than old citizens

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
260 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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