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More students are travelling abroad for further education. Do you believe the advantages of this experience are greater than the drawbacks associated with it?

More students are travelling abroad for further education. Do you believe the advantages of this experience are greater than the drawbacks associated with it? wWoe
Since the last ten years, there are many more students who travel abroad to study to international universities. I will investigate the advantages and disadvantages on this pattern in this essay. First of all, studying abroad is exciting and you can meet a lot of persons from other countries. You can find opportunities to study new subjects you are not finding at your home town university. Yet, you can be feeling lonely and feeling homesickness from time to time. As example, I have had this experience when I visited Japan for my study experience three years ago.
Since the last ten years, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
more students who travel abroad to study to international universities. I will investigate the advantages and disadvantages on this pattern in this essay.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, studying abroad is exciting and you can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
persons from other countries. You can find opportunities to study new subjects you are not finding at your home town university.
Yet
, you can be feeling lonely and feeling homesickness from time to time. As example, I have had this experience when I visited Japan for my study experience three years ago.
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IELTS essay More students are travelling abroad for further education. Do you believe the advantages of this experience are greater than the drawbacks associated with it?

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
97 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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