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Question: Nowadays, many people tend to substitute offline friends with online ones. What is your opinion?

Question: Nowadays, many people tend to substitute offline friends with online ones. What is your opinion? KKW0
The 21st century has witnessed the tendency of making friends in modern society. Therefore, a matter of considerable concern at present is the issue that more and more people choose to make online friends rather than those in the real world. From my perspective, friends from the virtual world have played an important role in each person, but offline friends are indispensable in our daily lives. To commence with, online friends are priorities to many people in the global world for many factors. Firstly, it is widely believed that virtual friendship enables people to get access to any background in the world. It is because compared to previous eras, citizens only made companionship in their own neighborhood, province, city or in their social circle. Nowadays, thanks to the development of social media and the Internet, they can create a relationship around the globe regardless of geographical boundaries and racial, social and religious backgrounds. In addition, making friends online allows people to save up their time in modern lives. Since it is apparent that people in the 21st century are occupied with their duties, including projects, business trips or household chores, having online friends is an opportunity for busy people to keep in touch with them through social media or video calls without spending their time going out and visiting their real friends. Thus, they have a chance to relax themselves after hustles and bustles and meet their companions in the virtual world at the same time In other words, two elements constitute the preference of online friends in people’s daily lives. On the other hand, offline friends still make a great contribution to human society. First, acquaintances in real daily lives are widely believed to be dependable and sympathetic to people. It is because of the fact that when people are in a pickle, their offline friends tend to put themselves in others’ shoes more easily than online ones since most friends in real life can understand people’s situations rather than those who become their online friends only know by posts, videos or text messages. Then, chances are that their offline friends are able to be sympathetic and motivate them to recover from terrible circumstances. Furthermore, offline friendship removes the element of anonymity and therefore becomes more trustworthy. Conspicuously, people do not know all the friends we make online; therefore, it is difficult for them to create a firm, satisfying and genuine companionship. In addition, some friends in the virtual world can take advantage of their anonymity to do illegal things, especially money extorting or kidnapping if users are not vigilant enough. In other words, making offline friends play a vital role in people’s lives. In conclusion, the disposition to online friends has become more and more popular in the 21st century, however, real friends are also factors that constitute a good friendship. In my opinion, the best course of action would be an attempt to achieve a balance between virtual friends on the one hand and real friends on the other in order to achieve a genuine, effective relationship.
The 21st century has witnessed the tendency of making
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
in modern society.
Therefore
, a matter of considerable concern at present is the issue that more and more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
choose to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
rather
than those in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
real
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
. From my perspective,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
from the virtual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
have played an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role in each person,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
offline
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
are indispensable in our daily
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.

To commence with,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
are priorities to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in the global
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
factors.
Firstly
, it is
widely
believed that virtual friendship enables
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
access to any background in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
. It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
compared to previous eras, citizens
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
made companionship in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
neighborhood, province, city or in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
circle. Nowadays, thanks to the development of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
media and the Internet, they can create a relationship around the globe regardless of geographical boundaries and racial,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
and religious backgrounds.
In addition
, making
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to save up their time in modern
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
. Since it is apparent that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in the 21st century
are occupied
with their duties, including projects, business trips or household chores, having
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
is an opportunity for busy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
in touch with them through
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
media or video calls without spending their time going out and visiting their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
real
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
.
Thus
, they have a chance to relax themselves after hustles and bustles and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
their companions in the virtual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
at the same time In
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
words, two elements constitute the preference of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
daily
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, offline
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
still
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a great contribution to human society.
First
, acquaintances in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
real
daily
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
are
widely
believed to be dependable and sympathetic to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. It is
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "because".
because of the fact that
when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are in a pickle, their offline
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
tend to put themselves in others’ shoes more
easily
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
ones since most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
real
life can understand
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
situations
rather
than those who become their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
know by posts, videos or text messages. Then, chances are that their offline
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
are able to be sympathetic and motivate them to recover from terrible circumstances.
Furthermore
, offline friendship removes the element of anonymity and
therefore
becomes more trustworthy.
Conspicuously
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do not know all the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
;
therefore
, it is difficult for them to create a firm, satisfying and genuine companionship.
In addition
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
in the virtual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
can take advantage of their anonymity to do illegal things,
especially
money extorting or kidnapping if users are not vigilant
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
. In
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
words, making offline
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
play a vital role in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.

Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
In
conclusion, the disposition to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
has become more and more popular in the 21st century,
however
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
real
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
are
also
factors that constitute a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
friendship.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
In
my opinion, the best course of action would be an attempt to achieve a balance between virtual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
on the one hand and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
real
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
in order to achieve a genuine, effective relationship.

IELTS essay Question: Nowadays, many people tend to substitute offline friends with online ones. What is your opinion?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
510 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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