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more people can work from home and more children can study from home as computer technologies become cheaper and more accessible

more people can work from home and more children can study from home as computer technologies become cheaper and more accessible dkqQr
As a result of the advent of technology, computer technology has been an increasingly important method for both adults and children to do their works. The technology has benefits such as being more convenient as well as using less energy but it may bring some issues at the same time. As far as I'm concerned, this is a positive development. To begin with, computer technology might help mankind save time which could improve individual's life quality. For instance, we are not required to go to the schools or firms due to the application of computer systems, which would reduce the time we spend in transportation to arrive at our destination to some extent. Not only would the corporations have greater profits by the increased working efficiency, contributing a rise to staff's payment, but also people have more spare time in their lives. As a result, more people could enjoy a higher quality life than the past. Secondly, our environment could be better protected due to a wide use of this technology. Since it enables people to work or study from homes most of the time, the pollution caused by transports may experience an obvious decrease, which with no doubt benefits the air in the cities. The energy we used to motivate the vehicles could be saved and made the best use of. The last factor is that there would be abundant cooperating forms with the advent of the technology. In previous years, people in different regions can not communicate each other as easily as now, leading less cooperation in business world. Online working breaks up the distance and solves the related problems so that make the world more connected, inspiring new forms of working together through the networks as well as speeding up the improvement of the human society. To conclude, based on my knowledge, the positive aspects of this technology would be more significant although the negative sides can not be ignored.
As a result
of the advent of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
, computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
has been an
increasingly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
method for both adults and children to do their works. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
has benefits such as being more convenient
as well
as using less energy
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it may bring
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
issues at the same time.

As far as I'm concerned, this is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
development. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
might
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
mankind save time which could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
individual's life quality.
For instance
, we are not required to go to the schools or firms due to the application of computer systems, which would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the time we spend in transportation to arrive at our destination to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
extent. Not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
would the corporations have greater profits by the increased working efficiency, contributing a rise to staff's payment,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have more spare time in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.
As a result
, more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
could enjoy a higher quality life than the past.

Secondly
, our environment could be better protected due to a wide
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
. Since it enables
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to work or study from homes most of the time,

the pollution caused by transports may experience an obvious decrease, which with no doubt benefits the air in the cities. The energy we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to motivate the vehicles could
be saved
and made the best
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of.

The last factor is that there would be abundant cooperating forms with the advent of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
. In previous years,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
regions can not communicate each other as
easily
as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
, leading less cooperation in business world. Online working breaks up the distance and solves the related problems
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the world more connected, inspiring new forms of working together through the networks
as well
as speeding up the improvement of the human society.

To conclude
, based on my knowledge, the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
aspects of this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
would be more significant although the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
sides can not be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignored
.
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IELTS essay more people can work from home and more children can study from home as computer technologies become cheaper and more accessible

Essay
  American English
6 paragraphs
323 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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