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More people are spending their free time watching movies, why is this? Is it a good or bad?

Now a days, people fill their leisure time by watching different kind of movies. It is trend that can have positive and negative effect on a person. This essay would discuss the pros and cons of this trend. First of all, younger generation are mostly fond of spending free time by seeing films online at the comfort of their home. For example, online movie app like Netflix and Amazon Prime are popular among teenagers for capturing all movies in different languages. Furthermore, it is very convenient to enjoy cinema rather than going out to a cinema hall without spending huge amount. Hence, it is consider to be cheapest mode of watching movies at free time. However, this trend can have adverse effect on an individual’s health. To add on, when people watch online films they spent ample of time looking at screen which in return might the reason behind low eyesight vision. For instance, young children start wearing eye glasses for low vision in their early age. Moreover, it not only effect eyesight but also health is being hampered due to not doing industrious work and sitting whole day at the comfort of sofa set. Thus, watching movies in free time might have detrimental effect on a person’s health. To conclude, although watching cinema could be a better option for some people to relax in their in their free time, but it will have an adverse effect to health in the future.
Did you mean “nowadays”?
Now a days
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
fill their leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
by watching
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
kind of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
. It is trend that can have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
effect
on a person. This essay would discuss the pros and cons of this trend.

Often, this adverbial phrase is redundant. Consider using “first”.
First of all
, younger generation are
mostly
fond of spending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
by seeing films online at the comfort of their home.
For example
, online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movie
app like Netflix and Amazon Prime are popular among
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
for capturing all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
languages.
Furthermore
, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
convenient to enjoy cinema
rather
than going out to a cinema hall without spending huge amount.
Hence
, it is
Consider using either the past participle “considered” or the present participle “considering” here.
consider
to be
A determiner is probably missing here: “the cheapest”.
cheapest
mode of watching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
free
time.

However
, this trend can have adverse
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
effect
on an individual’s health. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
add
on, when
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
online films they spent ample of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
looking at screen which in return might the reason behind low eyesight vision.
For instance
, young children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
wearing eye glasses for low vision in their early age.

Moreover
, it not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
Did you mean “affect” (have an effect upon)?
effect
eyesight
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
health is
being hampered
due to not doing industrious work and sitting whole day at the comfort of sofa set.
Thus
, watching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
might have detrimental
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
effect
on a person’s health.

To conclude
, although watching cinema could be a better option for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to relax
This phrase is duplicated. You should probably leave only “in their”.
in their in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it will have an adverse
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
effect
to health in the future.
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IELTS essay More people are spending their free time watching movies, why is this? Is it a good or bad?

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
242 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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