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More people are now behaving more violently in society than before.can this behaviour be prevented. Discuss the causes and for this reasons?

Many individuals are now behaving more violence in city than past. Masses can reduce this situation with serval steps, such as, government should make more strict rules and they should need to spend their time with their family and Childerns. To begin with, denizens who distrube the society because their parents did not concentrate on their and they did not spend their time with their family or children, as a result they become a aggressive person. Being a lot of noise, they distract the other people. In addition, when today's youth take drugs, then they have no sence of any thing and they are starting a crime as a theif, because when they take a large amount of drugs then they become a addiction of drugs, so they need a number of money for it, as a result they become a criminal. However, every lock has a key so this threat also have some possible solutions are that, parents should make a balance between personal and professional life, because when they go to their jobs then they cannot spend their time with their children, so, their children become disobedient or rebellious, that is by they disturb all the society, so parent should maintain their time spend their time with their children. Moreover, government should make aware programmes for drugs not only but also make strict rules for providing the drugs. To conclusion, more porponents are now behaving more noise in society than before it has many causes and measures also for reduce it.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
individuals are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
behaving more violence in city than past. Masses can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
this situation with
Possible spelling mistake found.
serval
steps, such as,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
more strict
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
rules and
they should need to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with their family and
Possible spelling mistake found.
Childerns
. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, denizens who
Possible spelling mistake found.
distrube
the society
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
their parents did not concentrate on
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
their and
they did not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with their family or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
,
as a result
they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
Use "an" instead of 'a' if the following word starts with a vowel sound, e.g. 'an article', 'an hour'
a
aggressive person. Being
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
noise, they distract the other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.
In addition
, when
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's youth take
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drugs
, then they have no
Possible spelling mistake found.
sence
of any
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
thing and
they are starting a crime as a
Possible spelling mistake found.
theif
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
when they take a large amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drugs
then they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
Use "an" instead of 'a' if the following word starts with a vowel sound, e.g. 'an article', 'an hour'
a
addiction of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drugs
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they need a number of money for it,
as a result
they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
a criminal.
However
, every lock has a key
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
this threat
also
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
possible solutions are that, parents should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
a balance between personal and professional life,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
when they go to their jobs then they cannot
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
, their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
disobedient or rebellious,
that is
by they disturb all the society,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
parent should maintain their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
Moreover
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
aware
Possible spelling mistake. 'programmes' is British English.
programmes
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drugs
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
strict
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
for providing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drugs
. To conclusion, more
Possible spelling mistake found.
porponents
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
behaving more noise in society than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
it has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
causes and measures
also
for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
it.
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IELTS essay More people are now behaving more violently in society than before. can this behaviour be prevented. Discuss the causes and for this reasons?

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
253 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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