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More fathers are staying at home to care for their children while their moms work. What might be the cause? Do you think this is a good or bad thing?

More fathers are staying at home to care for their children while their moms work. What might be the cause? Do you think this is a good or bad thing? 70yQ6
In the contemporary world, with the improvement of gender equality, an increasing number of women become the breadwinners for the family, while men stay at home for childcare, and I presume that this tendency has beneficial impacts on the progress of humans. To comprehend more conspicuously, the main causes and positive effects of this propensity will be presented in the following article. It is manifest that deciding to become stay-at-home fathers is significantly related to changes in preconceptions about females and men's earning ability. First and foremost, gender equality has now been increasingly prevalent around the world, with the belief that all work should be equally distributed. Unlike in the past, when women were expected to undertake domestic chores while their husbands worked, today women are given more possibilities to climb the promotion ladders and men are expected to stay at home to take care of the family. Another explanation is that males are unable to work owing to a disability or because they are unemployed, forcing them to remain at home all of the time. To illustrate, when their husbands are handicapped as a result of battles, many Vietnamese women become the primary source of income. In my opinion, abovementioned trend should be appreciated due to its advantages. First of all, this tendency might help a part in the reduction of prejudices involving gender roles when everyone works according to their abilities and is impartially appreciated. For instance, if a multitude of men are housewives, the stereotype that men build the house and women make it home will vanish. Moreover, it can act as an incentive for the family bonding between the wife and the husband because they could understand and sympathize with one another's challenges and admire each other's sacrifices. In conclusion, although stay-at-home dads may have to face a lot of judgement from society because of fixed ideas about powerful men, this tendency should be encouraged by everyone due to its advantages.
In the contemporary world, with the improvement of gender equality, an increasing number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
become the breadwinners for the family, while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
stay at home for childcare, and I presume that this tendency has beneficial impacts on the progress of humans. To comprehend more
conspicuously
, the main causes and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
effects of this propensity will
be presented
in the following article.

It is manifest that deciding to become stay-at-home fathers is
significantly
related to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
in preconceptions about females and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
's earning ability.
First
and foremost, gender equality has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
been
increasingly
prevalent around the world, with the belief that all work should be
equally
distributed. Unlike in the past, when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
were
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expected
to undertake domestic chores while their husbands worked,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
more possibilities to climb the promotion ladders and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expected
to stay at home to take care of the family. Another explanation is that males are unable to work owing to a disability or
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they
are unemployed
, forcing them to remain at home
Consider using "all the".
all of the
time. To illustrate, when their husbands
are handicapped
as a result
of battles,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
Vietnamese
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
become the primary source of income.

In my opinion,
Possible spelling mistake found.
abovementioned
trend should
be appreciated
due to its advantages.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, this tendency might
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
a part in the reduction of prejudices involving gender roles when everyone works according to their abilities and is
impartially
appreciated.
For instance
, if a multitude of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
are housewives, the stereotype that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
build the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
it home will vanish.
Moreover
, it can act as an incentive for the family bonding between the wife and the husband
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they could understand and sympathize with one another's challenges and admire each other's sacrifices.

In conclusion
, although stay-at-home dads may
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
face
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
judgement from society
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fixed
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
about powerful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
, this tendency should
be encouraged
by everyone due to its advantages.
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IELTS essay More fathers are staying at home to care for their children while their moms work. What might be the cause? Do you think this is a good or bad thing?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
325 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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