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More and more women go out to work. Is it the government’s responsibility to subsidise them and provide free staff and facilities to care for their children? To what extent do you agree or disagree with this idea?

More and more women go out to work. Is it the government’s responsibility to subsidise them and provide free staff and facilities to care for their children? with this idea? lOlK
One of the biggest challenges that working women face is finding a good support system for their children. Since they contribute to the economic development of the country, some people insist that the government should provide free or subsidized childcare facilities for the benefit of these women and their children. I agree with this view. One of the main reasons that discourage young mothers from taking up employment is the lack of a good support system for their children. While there are so many private childcare centres in cities, they often charge exorbitant fees that poor and middle class families cannot afford. Consequently, many young mothers choose not to work. If the government provides free childcare facilities more women will be willing to work and this will have a tremendously positive impact on the economy of the nation. The government should build such facilities in all cities and towns. It should also talk to private companies and build childcare centres on their premises for the welfare of their female employees. When there are such centres on the campus, female employees can take short occasional breaks to feed their babies. Another advantage of opening such centres is that young mothers can work without having to take frequent leaves of absence. When children fall ill, mothers often take days off from work. If they have the assurance that there are trained people to take care of their babies when they are ill, they will be able to attend office without fail. This will encourage more employers to hire them. To conclude, I agree with the argument that the government should offer subsidies and build day care facilities for the children of working parents. Working women contribute to the development of the country and the government has a responsibility to make life less stressful for them by providing them free staff and child care facilities.
One of the biggest challenges that working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
face is finding a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
support system for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. Since they contribute to the economic development of the country,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
insist that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should provide free or subsidized childcare facilities for the benefit of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
and their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this view.

One of the main reasons that discourage young mothers from taking up employment is the lack of a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
support system for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. While there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
private childcare
Possible spelling mistake. 'centres' is British English.
centres
in cities, they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
charge exorbitant fees that poor and middle
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
families cannot afford.
Consequently
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
young mothers choose not to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
. If the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
provides free childcare facilities more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
will be willing to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
and this will have a
tremendously
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
impact on the economy of the nation.

The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should build such facilities in all cities and towns. It should
also
talk to private
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
and build childcare
Possible spelling mistake. 'centres' is British English.
centres
on their premises for the welfare of their female employees. When there are such
Possible spelling mistake. 'centres' is British English.
centres
on the campus, female employees can take short occasional breaks to feed their babies. Another advantage of opening such
Possible spelling mistake. 'centres' is British English.
centres
is that young mothers can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
without having to take frequent
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leaves
of absence. When
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
fall ill, mothers
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
take days off from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
. If they have the assurance that there
are trained
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to take care of their babies when they are ill, they will be able to attend office without fail. This will encourage more employers to hire them.

To conclude
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the argument that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should offer subsidies and build day care facilities for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
of working parents. Working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
contribute to the development of the country and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
has a responsibility to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
life less stressful for them by providing them free staff and child care facilities.
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IELTS essay More and more women go out to work. Is it the government’s responsibility to subsidise them and provide free staff and facilities to care for their children? with this idea?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
312 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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  • Meet the criteria
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