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More and more wild animals are on the verge of extinction and others are on the endangered list. What are the reasons for this? What can be done to solve this problem?

More and more wild animals are on the verge of extinction and others are on the endangered list. What are the reasons for this? What can be done to solve this problem? qpYp
It has been quite a concerning fact that the a higher count of wild animals have approached the brink of extinction while the figure of the ones which are vulnerable, is also burgeoning. The root cause of this threat is ever- increasing deforestation which can be mitigated once revolutionary measures are taken towards the provision of suitable habitat to these animals. The principle factor responsible for the extinction is reckless logging of trees in order to meet the selfish needs of humans. In other words, land clearing is done for expanding the infrastructure whereas, at times, the timber from trees is used to enhance the aesthetics of human houses. In this case, mankind forgets that they are robbing the shelter of animals which results in their death, either due to accidents as they wander around or because of hunger. The wild animals such as Asian Elephant and Giant panda, for example, are listed as critically vulnerable since they have no place to settle or hunt. Therefore, human’s self-centric mentality has ruined the life of other creatures of this planet. On contrary, the remedy to this issue is to establish national parks, sanctuaries and zoos for these animal where they can live peacefully. These establishments would look after the necessities related to diet which would eliminate the jeopardy of being died and further, reproduction can also take place for increasing the count. Its best example is Gir National Park which is home to hundreds of lions now after the success of conservation programmes and as per the reports of 2019, the count of lions has doubled even. Thus, secure environment for living is what these animals require. To reiterate, it can be said that the species of wild animals are in danger because of human pursuits which go against sustainable development. Yet, if measures are taken in time by offering equal space of planet earth to these animals, biodiversity can be saved.
It has been quite a concerning fact that
Maybe you need to remove one determiner so that only "the" or "a" is left.
the a
higher count of wild
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
have approached the brink of extinction while the figure of the ones which are vulnerable, is
also
burgeoning. The root cause of this threat is ever- increasing deforestation which can
be mitigated
once revolutionary measures
are taken
towards the provision of suitable habitat to these animals.

The principle factor responsible for the extinction is reckless logging of trees in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
the selfish needs of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
humans
.
In other words
, land clearing
is done
for expanding the infrastructure whereas, at times, the timber from trees is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to enhance the aesthetics of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
houses
.
In this case
, mankind forgets that they are robbing the shelter of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
which results in their death, either due to accidents as they wander around or
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of hunger. The wild
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
such as Asian Elephant and Giant panda,
for example
,
are listed
as
critically
vulnerable since they have no place to settle or hunt.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human’s
self-centric mentality has ruined the life of other creatures of this planet.

On contrary, the remedy to this issue is to establish national parks, sanctuaries and zoos for these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animal
where they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
peacefully
. These establishments would look after the necessities related to diet which would eliminate the jeopardy of being
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
died
and
further
, reproduction can
also
take place for increasing the count. Its best example is
Possible spelling mistake found.
Gir
National Park which is home to hundreds of lions
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
after the success of conservation
Possible spelling mistake. 'programmes' is British English.
programmes
and as per the reports of 2019, the count of lions has doubled even.
Thus
, secure environment for living is what these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
require.

To reiterate, it can
be said
that the species of wild
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
are in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
danger
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
pursuits which go against sustainable development.
Yet
, if measures
are taken
in time by offering equal space of planet earth to these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
, biodiversity can
be saved
.
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IELTS essay More and more wild animals are on the verge of extinction and others are on the endangered list. What are the reasons for this? What can be done to solve this problem?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
321 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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