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More and more wild animals are on the verge of extinction and others are on the endangered list. what are the reasons for this? what can be done to solve this problem.

Wild life is a major part of ecosystem and plays a vital role in its balancing. Due to spreading of cities and deforestation, the number of wild animals have significantly reduced and are almost extinct or put under the list of endangered species. This is mainly due to overpopulation, cutting down of forests, climatic changes and animal poachers. There are a various measures which can be implemented to control and solve this problem. Firstly, increase of deforestation has created and imbalance in the ecosystem. The number of species which were dependent on forests as a source of life are left to wander around nearby cities risking their lives in the quest of finding food and shelter. Moreover overpopulation has led to pollution causing abnormal climatic changes which directly affects the natural habitat of animals, forcing them to migrate from one place to another frequently. This may cause many animals to either succumb to weather conditions and frequent change in their habitat. However, this problem can be solved by planting trees, reforestation and controlling the air pollution, mainly released by cars and factories. Secondly, animal hunting is on the rise all over the world, which directly leads to addition of more and more animals to the endangered list. Hunters mainly kill exotic animals as it earns them huge amounts of money in exchange for their parts. This issue can be solved when governments start imposing strict laws and punishing the violators severely. In addition to it, they can hire more forest officers to keep an eye on the poachers and illegal trade of animals and their products. In conclusion, significant increase in deforestation, severe climatic changes and animal poaching are the main reasons for animal extinction and increase in the endangered list. Only when government and people come together to control and monitor these issues, will this situation be remedied.
Wild life is a major part of ecosystem and plays a vital role in its balancing. Due to spreading of cities and deforestation, the number of wild
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
have
significantly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
and are almost extinct or put under the list of endangered species. This is
mainly
due to overpopulation, cutting down of forests, climatic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
changes
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animal
poachers. There are a various
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "measure"?
measures
which can
be implemented
to control and solve this problem.

Firstly
, increase of deforestation has created and imbalance in the ecosystem. The number of species which were dependent on forests as a source of life are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
to wander around nearby cities risking their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
in the quest of finding food and shelter.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Moreover
overpopulation has led to pollution causing abnormal climatic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
changes
which
directly
affects the natural habitat of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
, forcing them to migrate from one place to another
frequently
. This may cause
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
to either succumb to weather conditions and frequent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
change
in their habitat.
However
, this problem can
be solved
by planting trees, reforestation and controlling the air pollution,
mainly
released by cars and factories.

Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animal
hunting is on the rise all over the world, which
directly
leads to addition of more and more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
to the endangered list. Hunters
mainly
kill exotic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
as it earns them huge amounts of money in exchange for their parts. This issue can
be solved
when
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
imposing strict laws and punishing the violators
severely
.
In addition
to it, they can hire more forest officers to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
an eye on the poachers and illegal trade of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
and their products.

In conclusion
, significant increase in deforestation, severe climatic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
changes
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animal
poaching are the main reasons for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animal
extinction and increase in the endangered list.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Only
when
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
together to control and monitor these issues, will this situation
be remedied
.
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IELTS essay More and more wild animals are on the verge of extinction and others are on the endangered list. what are the reasons for this? what can be done to solve this problem.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
309 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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