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More and more people rely on smartphones. What is the cause of this problem? What is the solution?

More and more people rely on smartphones. What is the cause of this problem? What is the solution? kxabd
Some say the digitalization has bombarded various aspects at the present time as it intervened a professional and personal work. The intervention is beneficial to ease people’s jobs or needs such as providing real-time communications as well as a virtual entertainment access in anywhere. It might be disruption if the usage is excessive as people focus more on handphones rather than face-to-face interactions. Since 2018, for instance, Nestle employees in Jakarta had been required to download WhatsApps as their secondary massager for business communication, therefore most employees kept checking their phones in five minutes regularly, and they tended to be not focus during meetings. How to solve this? The ease on jobs coming from smartphones’ intervention is not corresponding as many people are excessively spend most of time on handphones, and it becomes an interference for working. This situation tends to lead to procrastination as people trapped communicating or browsing unnecessary stuff through internet during working, and people leave the work task unfinished. For instance, in 2019, Indonesian Human Resource Community revealed that the warning letter issuance increased by 25% as employee playing social medias during working hour at the workplace. It is suggested people get training on how to set up time managements using handphone since there is specific feature to control the usage of smartphone such as Time Scheduling Apps on iPhones which allow notification come up if the time usage on social medias is up. Overall, many people depend on the usage of smartphones as people follow the digitalization for work and personal interests. In order to tackle procrastination from the smartphone intervention, it is suggested that the users set up time management for certain Apps. Should the third party such as a company create a report for smartphone usage management by employees, it will help the solution become effective as well.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
say the digitalization has bombarded various aspects at the present
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
as it intervened a professional and personal work. The intervention is beneficial to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ease
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
jobs or needs such as providing real-time communications
as well
as a virtual entertainment access in anywhere. It might be disruption if the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
usage
is excessive as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
focus more on
Possible spelling mistake found.
handphones
rather
than face-to-face interactions. Since 2018,
for instance
, Nestle
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
in Jakarta had
been required
to download
Possible spelling mistake found.
WhatsApps
as their secondary massager for business communication,
therefore
most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
kept
checking their phones in five minutes
regularly
, and they tended to be not
Consider using a past participle here: "focused", "focussed".
focus
during meetings.

How to solve this? The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ease
on jobs coming from smartphones’ intervention is not corresponding as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are
excessively
spend most of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
on
Possible spelling mistake found.
handphones
, and it becomes an interference for working. This situation tends to lead to procrastination as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
trapped communicating or browsing unnecessary stuff through internet during working, and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
the work task unfinished.
For instance
, in 2019, Indonesian Human Resource Community revealed that the warning letter issuance increased by 25% as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employee
playing social medias during working hour at the workplace. It
is suggested
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
training on how to set up
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
managements using
Possible spelling mistake found.
handphone
since there is specific feature to control the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
usage
of smartphone such as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Time
Scheduling Apps on iPhones which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
notification
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
up if the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
usage
on social medias is up.

Overall
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
depend on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
usage
of smartphones as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
follow the digitalization for work and personal interests. In order to tackle procrastination from the smartphone intervention, it
is suggested
that the users set up
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
management for certain Apps. Should the third party such as a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
create a report for smartphone
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
usage
management by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
, it will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
the solution become effective
as well
.
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IELTS essay More and more people rely on smartphones. What is the cause of this problem? What is the solution?

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
305 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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