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People think that children nowadays have more freedom.

People think that children nowadays have more freedom. lXDRJ
It is thought that today's juvenile have more independance. I disagree with this statement because they have more restriction by parents and schools for their freedom. First of all, parents who have children control them because they do not want their children become victim of crimes. Indeed, city crime rate are higher than before and a lot of strangers live surrounding us. Furthermore, children can be easily mishandled by others when they are without parents. Hence, parents consider their sons and daughters safety and watch them under control. On the other hand, parents who live in couple of decades ago do not worry about the safety of children because they well-knew about their neighbourhood. For instance, I went to school with my friends without fear of strangers, but my son goes to school with his mother. Secondly, schools take care their students and imposed more study load on them. Therefore, students have less time to play with friends. In addition, some teachers give more homework which need a lot of time every day when students are at home. In addition, some schools conduct tutions for all student, so students have less free time to play or spend with others. Moreover, school in nowadays do not allowed pupils gathering, thus they have no way to meet thier friends and share their interest. For example, most of school are under surveillance and moniter thier student this gives more restriction on students' freedom. In conclusion, people believe that adolescents have more flexibility than before. I think students have more limitation on their freedom because of increasing academic requirement and fear of crime.
It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's juvenile have more
Possible spelling mistake found.
independance
. I disagree with this statement
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they have more restriction by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
for their freedom.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
who have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
control them
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they do not want their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
become victim of crimes.
Indeed
, city crime rate are higher than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
strangers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
surrounding us.
Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can be
easily
mishandled by others when they are without
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
.
Hence
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
consider their sons and daughters safety and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
them under control.
On the other hand
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in
It seems that an article is missing.
couple of
decades ago do not worry about the safety of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they well-knew about their
Possible spelling mistake. 'neighbourhood' is British English.
neighbourhood
.
For instance
, I went to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
with my friends without fear of strangers,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
my son goes to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
with his mother.

Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
take care their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
and imposed more study load on them.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
have less time to play with friends.
In addition
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
teachers give more homework which need
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
time every day when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
are at home.
In addition
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
conduct
Possible spelling mistake found.
tutions
for all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
have less free time to play or spend with others.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
nowadays is used without 'in'. Use simply: "nowadays".
in nowadays
do not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
pupils gathering,
thus
they have no way to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
Possible spelling mistake found.
thier
friends and share their interest.
For example
, most of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
are under surveillance and
Possible spelling mistake found.
moniter
Possible spelling mistake found.
thier
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
this gives more restriction on students' freedom.

In conclusion
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that adolescents have more flexibility than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
have more limitation on their freedom
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of increasing academic requirement and fear of crime.
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IELTS essay People think that children nowadays have more freedom.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
269 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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