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Today more and more people are using mobile phones and computers. Thus, people arelosing the ability to communicate face to face. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.7

Today more and more people are using mobile phones and computers. Thus, people arelosing the ability to communicate face to face. v. 7
It is true that cell phones and computers play crucial roles in our lives. Some people claim that this is the reason for declining communication skills. While I accept that modern technologies make our lives more convenient, I believe that they have some negative effects on our communication ability. On the one hand, there are several advantages of using these electronic devices. The biggest advantage is that cell phones and computers allow people to communicate with each other more quickly and conveniently. For example, thanks to the Internet, managers can utilize computers to contact their partners from other countries. As a result, they can save more time and money to do other vital work of their business. Furthermore, many mobile phones and computers now have Skype and therefore we can talk to friends and family who are far away. We can actually see them, whereas before we had to rely on expensive long-distance calls or letters which took ages to arrive. On the other hand, this trend may have some drawbacks. Firstly, although people can make many new friends via the Internet easily, they rarely meet and talk directly with each other. This will let people be under illusions about their acquaintances in the virtual world. Secondly, because of extreme focusing on cell phones or computers, people no longer want to spend time with their true friends and their families. My close friend, for instance, is so addicted to chatting and playing games on her smart phone that she ignores everyone when we gather and talk about funny stories together. In conclusion, although modern technologies bring us numerous benefits, it is true that the communication ability of people will be improved if they restrict their usage of mobile phones and computers.
It is true that cell
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
and computers play crucial roles in our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
people


This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
claim
that this is the reason for declining communication
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
. While I accept that
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
modern


technologies
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
more convenient, I believe that they have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effects on

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
our
communication ability.

On the one hand, there are several advantages of using these electronic devices. The

A determiner is probably missing here: "the biggest".
biggest
advantage is that cell
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
and computers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to communicate with each

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
other
more
quickly
and
conveniently
.
For example
, thanks to the Internet, managers can
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
utilize


This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
computers
to contact their partners from other countries.
As a result
, they can save more time
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
and


This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
money
to do other vital work of their business.
Furthermore
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
and computers

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
now
have Skype and
therefore
we can talk to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
and family who are far away. We
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
can


actually
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
them, whereas
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
we had to rely on expensive long-distance calls or letters

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
which
took ages to arrive.

On the other hand
, this trend may have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
drawbacks.
Firstly
, although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
make
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
via the Internet
easily
, they rarely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
and talk
directly
with each other.

This will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
be under illusions about their acquaintances in the virtual world.
Secondly
,

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of extreme focusing on cell
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
or computers,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
no longer want to spend time

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
with
their true
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
and their families. My close
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friend
,
for instance
, is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
addicted to
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
chatting


and playing games on her smart
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
that she
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignores
everyone when we gather and talk about

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
funny
stories together.

In conclusion
, although modern technologies bring us numerous benefits, it is true that

the communication ability of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
if they restrict their usage of mobile

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
phones
and computers.
3Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
14Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
18Mistakes

IELTS essay Today more and more people are using mobile phones and computers. Thus, people arelosing the ability to communicate face to face. v. 7

Essay
  American English
22 paragraphs
291 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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