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More and more people no longer read the newspaper or watch TV programs to get news. They get news about the world through the internet. Is this a positive or negative development?

More and more people no longer read the newspaper or watch TV programs to get news. They get news about the world through the internet. Is this a positive or negative development? bYb6W
Most of the people have busy schedules day by day. In the modern era, there are numerous options using modern gadgets like mobile, tablet and laptop. So that many people believe that in morden times people are not using newspapers and watching tv programs for news, others oppose using it for the news via the internet. We are discussing both views following in the paragraph. Out of all the reasons supporters say nowadays people have a heavy workload in their job location and generally people are working 8 to 10 hour per day. For example if numerous persons' jobs have remote locations so they have minimum time an hour to reach the destination they don't have time for the old method to get news instead mobile world. They have attractive programs for watching and reading news via the internet. It is very convenient for those people who have to travel by bus and they are accessible to any location. However, newspapers are an old method to survive difficulty nowadays because of the lack of picture quality and sometimes can not print properly to reading newspapers. it is true that people are living on a busy schedule so the people have no time watching tv programs with family. They live alone so the people can't live together and bond with other family members. Sometimes tv programs have numerous ads including that so many people are irritated by that and some have location electric power supply problems. In my conclusion, although newspapers were popular before the year but now gradually replaced by electronic news. this may be unhappy for the losses but the development is needed for us.
Most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have busy schedules day by day. In the modern era, there are numerous options using modern gadgets like mobile, tablet and laptop.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that in
Possible spelling mistake found.
morden
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
times
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are not using
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
newspapers
and watching
Possible spelling mistake found.
tv
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
programs
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
, others oppose using it for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
via the internet. We are discussing both views following in the paragraph.

Out of all the reasons supporters say nowadays
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have a heavy workload in their job location and
generally
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are working 8 to 10
Possible agreement error. The noun 'hour' seems to be countable, so consider using: "hours".
hour
per day.
For example
if numerous persons' jobs have remote locations
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they have minimum
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
an hour to reach the destination they don't have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
method to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
instead
mobile world. They have attractive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
programs
for watching and reading
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
via the internet. It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
convenient for those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
travel by
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
bus and
they are accessible to any location.

However
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
newspapers
are an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
method to survive difficulty nowadays
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the lack of picture quality and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
can not print
properly
to reading
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
newspapers
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
it
is true that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are living on a busy schedule
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have no
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
watching
Possible spelling mistake found.
tv
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
programs
with family. They
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
alone
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can't
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
together and bond with other family members.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Sometimes
Possible spelling mistake found.
tv
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
programs
have numerous ads including that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are irritated
by that and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
have location electric power supply problems.

In my conclusion, although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
newspapers
were popular
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
the year
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
gradually
replaced by electronic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
this
may be unhappy for the losses
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the development
is needed
for us.
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IELTS essay More and more people no longer read the newspaper or watch TV programs to get news. They get news about the world through the internet. Is this a positive or negative development?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
276 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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