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More and more people in the city live in home with small or no outdoor areas. Do you think it is a negative or positive development?

More and more people in the city live in home with small or no outdoor areas. Do you think it is a negative or positive development? L0en
Home is a spirit of everybody's life. These days a large number of people who live in town, tend to chose home without outdoor yard or small yard. I generally believe that living in this kind of houses is beneficial for householders, while might have a one drawback for children. Firstly, due to the overpopulation and growth of house demands, cities do not have enough area for more constructions. As a consequence, inhabitants have to choose countryside for living in order to have larger houses with larger outdoor areas. So, constructing houses with smaller outdoor or no outdoor such as apartments or skyscrapers helps government to prevent deforestation. Moreover, with preserve countryside animal habitats are preserved too. For example, in north of Iran where is a forest area, due to the constructing houses with smaller outdoor, cities did not expand dramatically and more forests were preserved from deforestation. Secondly, these days most people have hectic lifestyle and also do not have free time to keep or clean their yards. Furthermore, keeping larger outdoors needs spending more money and most people do not afford to pay these extra expenditures. Hence living in home with smaller or no outdoors enables dwellers to save more money for their basic needs. On the other hand, in my view having large outdoors areas helps children to play in the yard and enjoy their childhood and might be efficient to make them creative children. In conclusion, I believe that living in homes with small or no outdoor has two main positive results for householders, whereas due to the lack of outdoor areas, children miss an opportunity to play in yard.
Home is a spirit of everybody's life. These days
Specify a number, remove phrase, or simply use "many" or "numerous"
a large number of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in town, tend to chose home without
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
outdoor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
yard
or
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
yard
. I
generally
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
in this kind of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
houses
is beneficial for householders, while might have a one drawback for children.

Firstly
, due to the overpopulation and growth of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
house
demands, cities do not have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
area
for more constructions. As a consequence, inhabitants
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
choose countryside for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
in order to have larger
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
houses
with larger
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
outdoor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, constructing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
houses
with smaller
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
outdoor
or no
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
outdoor
such as apartments or skyscrapers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
deforestation.
Moreover
, with preserve countryside animal habitats
are preserved
too.
For example
, in north of Iran where is a forest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
area
, due to the constructing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
houses
with smaller
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
outdoor
, cities did not expand
dramatically
and more forests
were preserved
from deforestation.

Secondly
, these days most
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
have hectic lifestyle and
also
do not have free time to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
or clean their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
yards
.
Furthermore
, keeping larger
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
outdoors
needs spending more money and most
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
do not afford to pay these extra expenditures.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Hence
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
in home with smaller or no
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
outdoors
enables dwellers to save more money for their basic needs.

On the other hand
, in my view having large
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
outdoors
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
children to play in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
yard
and enjoy their childhood and might be efficient to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them creative children.

In conclusion
, I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
homes
with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
or no
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
outdoor
has two main
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
results for householders, whereas due to the lack of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
outdoor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
, children miss an opportunity to play in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
yard
.
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IELTS essay More and more people in the city live in home with small or no outdoor areas. Do you think it is a negative or positive development?

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
274 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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