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More and more people are using the internet to do their tasks rather than doing in person

More and more people are using the internet to do their tasks rather than doing in person 2RPVo
It is impossible today to imagine the world without internet. Nowadays, people are performing their tasks such as banking, shopping, hotel booking by using the internet. There are plethora of advantages and disadvantages of using online applications to complete their e-banking and e - transactions. However, In my candour opinion, I personally am of the advantages are far more of using internet over the disadvantages. Firstly, availability and applications of modern devices such as fax Machines, smart phones, computers, smart tv are brought more convience to the people. Furthermore, e banking and e transactions make people life more easier. Not only but also, people can do shopping of everything like clothes, electronics, medicines from various websites For that people need to log on the website, search for the products, read detail explainations and examine the pictures and people do order online and pay for it through e banking services. Although people can arrange their travelling and book hotels in any areas in advance from their homes. Furthermore people can do online transactions of payments without going to the banks for any time. The trend of doing businesses can be done more effectively and efficiently at lower costs. An extra benefits that natural resources can be saved. Small businesses can have same opportunities to promote their products online to complete with large ones. On the other hand, there are many disadvantages of using internet. Firstly, the main disadvantage is cybercrimes and cyberterrorism. As a result of cyber fraud people can loose their money and they can also loose trust on online trends. Another drawback is that loss of human contact as well as loss of social cohesion. Moreover the privacy of the individual can suffer. So proper steps have to be taken to protect the public against cybercrimes To recapitulate, although there are many negative points of using online services, I personally am of the opinion that the positives of this trends outweigh the negatives
It is impossible
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
to imagine the world without internet. Nowadays,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are performing their tasks such as banking, shopping, hotel booking by using the internet. There are plethora of advantages and disadvantages of using
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
applications to complete their e-banking and e
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
-
transactions.
However
, In my
Possible spelling mistake found.
candour
opinion, I
personally
am of the advantages are far more of using internet over the disadvantages.
Firstly
, availability and applications of modern devices such as fax Machines, smart phones, computers, smart
Possible spelling mistake found.
tv
are brought
more
Possible spelling mistake found.
convience
to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
Furthermore
, e banking and e transactions
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
life
Use only "easier" (without 'more') when you use the comparative.
more easier
. Not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
The usual collocation for an activity ending in "-ing" is "go" not "do" or "play." Revise: "go shopping".
do shopping
of everything like clothes, electronics, medicines from various websites For that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
need to log on the website, search for the products, read detail
Possible spelling mistake found.
explainations
and examine the pictures and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do order
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
and pay for it through e banking services. Although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can arrange their travelling and book hotels in any areas in advance from their homes.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Furthermore
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
transactions of payments without going to the banks for any time. The trend of doing businesses can
be done
more
effectively
and
efficiently
at lower costs. An extra benefits that natural resources can
be saved
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Small
businesses can have same opportunities to promote their products
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
to complete with large ones.
On the other hand
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
disadvantages of using internet.
Firstly
, the main
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
disadvantage
is
Possible spelling mistake found.
cybercrimes
and
Possible spelling mistake found.
cyberterrorism
.
As a result
of cyber fraud
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
Did you mean "lose" (= miss, waste, suffer the loss etc.)?
loose
their
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
money and
they can
also
loose trust on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
trends. Another drawback is that loss of human contact
as well
as loss of social cohesion.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Moreover
the privacy of the individual can suffer.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
proper steps
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
be taken
to protect the public against
Possible spelling mistake found.
cybercrimes
To recapitulate, although there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
points of using
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
services, I
personally
am of the opinion that the positives of
Did you mean "these"?
this
trends outweigh the
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
negatives
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IELTS essay More and more people are using the internet to do their tasks rather than doing in person

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
323 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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