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More and more people are suffering from health problems caused by a modern life style which cannot be treated with modern medicines. Some people think that a return to traditional medicine should be encouraged. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

More and more people are suffering from health problems caused by a modern life style which cannot be treated with modern medicines. Some people think that a return to traditional medicine should be encouraged. 6x6Mx
It is considered that individuals are affected by a number of health related issues because of there present way of living that could not be cured by allopathic medicines. While I agree that modern medicines may be effective in certain condition, I am of the opinion that traditional medicine has still the pivotal role to play in curing to new types of diseases. Firstly, substitution medicines have less adverse reaction on human body because they contain drugs in lesser amount. So, they can be taken for a long period of time, which makes them effective specially for chronic diseases such as hypertension and obesity. Secondly, it is quite cheaper than allopathic medicines because a large number of people can have access to it which makes it more effective for those people who cannot afford expensive medicines. For an example, a recent survey conducted in India, in 2013 showed that there is a rise in a number of people who preferred to homeopathy and ayurveda. Additionally, there are a lot of various options under alternative medicines which are not present in western medicines. This is because it gives a patient, multipal options to choose according to the severity of disease. However, there are numerous reasons as why modern medicines are also effective. The most prominent advantage of this method is that people have now an endless science invention to diagnose because it is fasted and an effective way to overcome from diseases. For an instance, a survey showed that 50% of treacherous malady are now can be excluded with the discovery of modern medicines. To conclude, after having considered all the points that I have discuss above, I can recapitulate that people should accept traditional treatments interms of cheapest and multipal options.
It
is considered
that individuals are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
by
Possible agreement error. The noun health seems to be uncountable; consider using: "much health", "a good deal of health".
a number of health
related issues
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of there present way of living that could not
be cured
by allopathic medicines. While I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that modern medicines may be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
effective
in certain condition, I am of the opinion that traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medicine
has
still
the pivotal role to play in curing to new types of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diseases
.
Firstly
, substitution medicines have less adverse reaction on human body
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they contain drugs in lesser amount.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, they can
be taken
for a long period of time, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
them
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
effective
specially
for chronic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diseases
such as hypertension and obesity.
Secondly
, it is quite cheaper than allopathic medicines
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
Specify a number, remove phrase, or simply use "many" or "numerous"
a large number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can have access to it which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
it more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
effective
for those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who cannot afford expensive medicines. For an example, a recent survey conducted in India, in 2013
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
that there is a rise in a number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who preferred to homeopathy and
Possible spelling mistake found.
ayurveda
.
Additionally
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
various options under alternative medicines which are not present in western medicines. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it gives a patient,
Possible spelling mistake found.
multipal
options to choose according to the severity of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
disease
.
However
, there are numerous reasons as why modern medicines are
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
effective
. The most prominent advantage of this method is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
an endless science invention to diagnose
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it
is fasted
and an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
effective
way to overcome from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diseases
. For an instance, a survey
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
that 50% of treacherous malady are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
can
be excluded
with the discovery of modern medicines.
To conclude
, after having considered all the points that I have discuss above, I can recapitulate that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should accept traditional treatments
Possible spelling mistake found.
interms
of cheapest and
Possible spelling mistake found.
multipal
options.
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IELTS essay More and more people are suffering from health problems caused by a modern life style which cannot be treated with modern medicines. Some people think that a return to traditional medicine should be encouraged.

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
291 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
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  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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