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There is a lot of pressure on young people today to succeed academically. As a result, some people believe that non-academic subjects, such as physical education and cookery, should be removed from the school syllabus so that children can concentrate on academic work. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

There is a lot of pressure on young people today to succeed academically. As a result, some people believe that non-academic subjects, such as physical education and cookery, should be removed from the school syllabus so that children can concentrate on academic work. OVrNE
Young adults are stressed on achieving academic goal successfully in modern society. Consequently, it is commonly argued that the school schedule should set to remove non-academic subjects like physical education and cookery, and focus on academic subjects. I agree that non-academic subjects might have a positive impact on students to some degree. However, it is much more important for children to study the subjects related to their future career plans. Many people suggest that it is beneficial for human to exercise regularly to keep healthy and fit, so it is a smart idea to fit the physical education courses in students' schedule. Children can have opportunities to unwind during weekdays, and learn correct rules and postures of various sports. On the other hand, spending time to do sports in class is not necessary for every child. Students can join sport clubs that they are interested in, and practice after school. If the non-academic subjects were withdrawn and the time was saved, academic work could be inserted to school syllabus. Students can spend plenty of time on the subjects they need to concentrate, and to obtain a better result from the courses. Furthermore, every student may have different interests and plans for their future. The more time spent on a subject, the more likely they can gain solid knowledge from the lessons. Learning each topics in depth could be beneficial for exams, and students can enter a high-ranked institution for research and can be employed by large companies to make lucrative incomes after graduating. In conclusion, the merits of focusing on academic courses offsets the drawbacks entailed by that. Children should use their time in school more efficiently as it will help them to succeed academically.
Young adults are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stressed
on achieving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academic
goal
successfully
in modern society.
Consequently
, it is
commonly
argued that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
schedule should set to remove non-academic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
like physical education and cookery, and focus on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that non-academic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
might have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
impact on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
degree.
However
, it is much more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for children to study the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
related to their future career plans.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
suggest that it is beneficial for human to exercise
regularly
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
healthy and fit,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
it is a smart
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
to fit the physical education courses in students' schedule. Children can have opportunities to unwind during weekdays, and learn correct
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
and postures of various sports.

On the other hand
, spending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to do sports in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
is not necessary for every child.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Students
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
join
sport clubs that they
are interested
in, and practice after
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
. If the non-academic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
were withdrawn and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
was saved
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academic
work could
be inserted
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
syllabus.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Students
can spend
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
they need to concentrate, and to obtain a better result from the courses.

Furthermore
, every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
may have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
interests and plans for their future. The more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
spent on a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
, the more likely they can gain solid knowledge from the lessons. Learning each
The noun should be probably in the singular form: "topic"?
topics
in depth could be beneficial for exams, and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
can enter a high-ranked institution for research and can
be employed
by large
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
lucrative incomes after graduating.

In conclusion
, the merits of focusing on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academic
courses offsets the drawbacks entailed by that. Children should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
more
efficiently
as it will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them to succeed
academically
.

IELTS essay There is a lot of pressure on young people today to succeed academically. As a result, some people believe that non-academic subjects, such as physical education and cookery, should be removed from the school syllabus so that children can concentrate on academic work.

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
285 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
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  • There is a lot of pressure on young people today to succeed academically. As a result, some people believe that non-academic subjects, such as physical education and cookery, should be removed from the school syllabus so that children can concentrate on academic work. To what extent do you agree or disagree?