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More and more people are spending their times away from their families

More and more people are spending their times away from their families mXVAq
In modern life, there are more and more people spending less time with their families. This essay will examine the major causes and possible influences of this phenomenon. To begin with, there are several explanations that are worth mentioning about this issue. The first reason is that due to the fast pace of modern life, people are now living a busier one and devoting an increasing amount of time to work. It is increasingly common that people tend to lose the balance between family and clerical work since they usually spend more time at work and do not come home until late at night. For example, due to the heavy workload, many workers have to work more than 10 hours a day, and sometimes they are required to work during the weekend or overnight to meet the deadline. The rapid development of social media is the second reason for this trend. That parents and children stay together but hold their own mobile phones or laptops to communicate with online friends on Facebook instead of talking with each other are easily seen these days. This rising issue is having considerable impacts on both individuals themselves and their families. First, it is believed that family is where people can share their feelings and problems, which help them to release their stress. However, an individual may experience emotional distress if they do not receive proper support from his/ her immediate family. Second, the bonds between parents and children may be weakened. For instance, when parents do not spend much time with their children, their children will lack appropriate parental care and attention and are likely to follow a path towards criminal behaviors. In conclusion, there are two main factors leading to the fact that people hardly make time for their family and not only individuals but also the family may suffer from this trend in both physical and emotional ways.
In modern life, there are more and more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
spending less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
. This essay will examine the major causes and possible influences of this phenomenon.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, there are several explanations that are worth
Did you mean simply "mentioning this"? You do not need the word "about" here.
mentioning about this
issue. The
first
reason is that due to the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
pace of modern life,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
living a busier one and devoting an increasing amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
. It is
increasingly
common that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
tend to lose the balance between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
and clerical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
since they
usually
spend more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
and do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
home until late at night.
For example
, due to the heavy workload,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
workers
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
more than 10 hours a day, and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
they
are required
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
during the weekend or overnight to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
the deadline. The rapid development of social media is the second reason for this trend. That parents and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
stay together
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
hold their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
mobile phones or laptops to communicate with online friends on Facebook
instead
of talking with each other are
easily
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
these days.

This rising issue is having considerable impacts on both individuals themselves and their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
.
First
, it
is believed
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
is where
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can share their feelings and problems, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them to release their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
.
However
, an individual may experience emotional distress if they do not receive proper support from his/ her immediate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
. Second, the bonds between parents and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
may
be weakened
.
For instance
, when parents do not spend much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
will lack appropriate parental care and attention and are likely to follow a path towards criminal behaviors.

In conclusion
, there are two main factors leading to the fact that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
hardly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
and not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
individuals
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
may suffer from this trend in both physical and emotional ways.
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IELTS essay More and more people are spending their times away from their families

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
317 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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