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Many working people get little or no exercise either during the working day or in their free time, and have health problems as a result. Why do so many working people not get enough exercise? What can be done about this problem?

Many working people get little or no exercise either during the working day or in their free time, and have health problems as a result. Why do so many working people not get enough exercise? What can be done about this problem? lyb9
Some of the working people encounter with ill-health conditions owing to the fact that they do not get enough exercise during the work hours or in their free time. Although there are plenty of reasons why this is happening, there are many possible solutions to diminish health problems. This essay will discuss further about the possible causes and remedies. Firstly, great reduction in physical movements and exercise is growing concern for majority of employees in contemporary times. Not only they are bounded to the computer all day long but also their lifestyle has become significantly sadentary. Furthermore, the work schedule is also getting more still compared to what it used to be in the past years. Most of the employees from majority of the fields have to work on a computer. Secondly, work from home culture is preffered by people all over the globe. As an illustration, due to employees are getting allowed to work from home, their physical movements have lessened by vast percentage as they don’t have to travel to the office everyday. On the other hand, there are few methods that can be tried to tackle this situation. First of all, people have to make a schedule to maintain healthy balance between work and doing exercises. On top of that, The schedule should be followed strictly. One way to make it possible is, get off the computer and stop working after particular hours. In addition, if for any compelling reason, someone is not able to do exercise then he can consider about having at least a walk around the block to allow body to do a few movements. Another trick would be to buy gym equipments and start doing exercises at home. This would work great for people who are feeling lazy about visiting the gyms everyday. In conclusion, health problems can show up if people are not getting regular exercise. People should make themselves aware about this situation and try to make schedule that offer at least few hours of exercise everyday. If methods mentioned above are followed then it will mitigate health problems.
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
Some of the
working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
encounter with ill-health conditions owing to the fact that they do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
during the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
hours or in their free time. Although there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
of reasons why this is happening, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
possible solutions to diminish health problems. This essay will discuss
further
about the possible causes and remedies.

Firstly
, great reduction in physical movements and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
is growing concern for
It seems that an article is missing.
majority of
employees in contemporary times. Not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
they
are bounded
to the computer all day long
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
their lifestyle has become
significantly
Possible spelling mistake found.
sadentary
.
Furthermore
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schedule
is
also
getting more
still
compared to what it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to be in the past years. Most of the employees from majority of the fields
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
on a computer.
Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
from home culture is
Possible spelling mistake found.
preffered
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
all over the globe. As an illustration, due to employees are getting
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
from home, their physical movements have lessened by vast percentage as they don’t
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
travel to the office
'Everyday' is an adjective. Did you mean "every day"?
everyday
.

On the other hand
, there are few methods that can
be tried
to tackle this situation.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schedule
to maintain healthy balance between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
and doing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercises
.
On top of that
, The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schedule
should
be followed
strictly
. One way to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
it possible is,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
off the computer and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
working after particular hours.
In addition
, if for any compelling reason, someone is not able to do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
then he can
Did you mean simply "consider having"? You do not need the word "about" here.
consider about having
at least a walk around the block to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
body to do a few movements. Another trick would be to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
gym equipments and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
doing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercises
at home. This would
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
great for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who are feeling lazy about visiting the gyms
'Everyday' is an adjective. Did you mean "every day"?
everyday
.

In conclusion
, health problems can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
up if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are not getting regular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
themselves aware about this situation and try to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schedule
that offer at least few hours of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
'Everyday' is an adjective. Did you mean "every day"?
everyday
. If methods mentioned above
are followed
then it will mitigate health problems.
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IELTS essay Many working people get little or no exercise either during the working day or in their free time, and have health problems as a result. Why do so many working people not get enough exercise? What can be done about this problem?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
348 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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