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More and more people are opting for ready-made food instead of freshly cooked food. Do this development has more advantages over disadvantages?

More and more people are opting for ready-made food instead of freshly cooked food. Do this development has more advantages over disadvantages? 8m1w
Nowadays, population is enlarging extremely and it is getting hard to meet individuals’ food requirements easily. As a result of this, most people are choosing ready-made meal instead of freshly home-made food. I agree that the benefits of prepared food, are more than the disadvantages because of how faster, easier and cheaper it is, even though it can cause some harmful issues such as heart attack or high cholesterol. The main reasons why people prefer to get prepared food instead of homemade ones, are the ready ones being easier to have, cheaper and faster to reach. Nowadays, as many people work hard and they do not have long breaks for meals, they order food. Also the price and how easy to make the meal are maybe the most popular reasons why people tend to get fast food. To give an example, we always order from KFC when we are in school campus, because KFC has always campaign for university students and delivers food under 30 minutes, so we do not have to rush to catch the lessons. Despite all the benefits of prepared food, these type of food can cause critical health issues such as heart attack, high cholesterol and obesity. Because of people use harmful substance while preparing ready-made foods such as palm oil, sweetener and salt, this type of foods are the main factors of critical health problems. A research in USA, which country has the highest ready-made consumption proportion in the world, is the most obvious example because it shows that, deaths for last 15 years in USA are the consequences of hearth attack and obesity, which are related with consuming too much prepared food. To conclude, although there are some negative consequences of having ready-made food instead of fresh-cooked ones, the advantages of choosing prepared food is more than freshly cooked ones due to it’s low price, fast prepare and reachability.
Nowadays, population is enlarging
extremely
and it is getting
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
individuals’
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
requirements
easily
.
As a result
of this, most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are choosing ready-made meal
instead
of
freshly
home-made
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that the benefits of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prepared
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
, are more than the disadvantages
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of how faster, easier and cheaper it is,
even though
it can cause
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
harmful issues such as heart attack or high cholesterol.

The main reasons why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
prefer to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prepared
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
instead
of homemade
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
, are the ready
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
being easier to have, cheaper and faster to reach. Nowadays, as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
work
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
hard and
they do not have long breaks for meals, they order
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Also
the price and how easy to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the meal are maybe the most popular reasons why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
tend to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
. To give an example, we always order from KFC when we are in school campus,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
KFC has always
Possible agreement error -- use past participle here: "campaigned".
campaign
for university students and delivers
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
under 30 minutes,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
we do not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
rush to catch the lessons.

Despite all the benefits of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prepared
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
, these type of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
can cause critical health issues such as heart attack, high cholesterol and obesity.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
harmful substance while preparing ready-made
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
such as palm oil, sweetener and salt, this type of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
are the main factors of critical health problems.
Uncountable nouns are usually not used with an indefinite article. Use simply "research".
A research
A determiner is probably missing here: "in the USA".
in USA
, which country has the highest ready-made consumption proportion in the world, is the most obvious example
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that, deaths for last 15 years
A determiner is probably missing here: "in the USA".
in USA
are the consequences of hearth attack and obesity, which
are related
with consuming too much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prepared
food.

To conclude
, although there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
consequences of having ready-made
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
instead
of fresh-cooked
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
, the advantages of choosing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prepared
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
is more than
freshly
cooked
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
due to
Did you mean "its" (possessive pronoun)?
it’s
low price,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
prepare and
Possible spelling mistake found.
reachability
.
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IELTS essay More and more people are opting for ready-made food instead of freshly cooked food. Do this development has more advantages over disadvantages?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
315 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
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  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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