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More and more people are buying ready to eat foods instead of cooking themselves. Does this development have more advantages or more disadvantages? v.2

More and more people are buying ready to eat foods instead of cooking themselves. Does this development have more advantages or more disadvantages? v. 2
It is an undeniable fact that, people need to eat appropriately in order to sustain their survival. However, a large number of people prefer eating foods that are already prepared, instead of cooking at home. This development, although, carries some benefits, yet the drawbacks still predominate, as discussed in this essay. On one hand, firstly purchasing ready to eat foods, has the advantage of saving the time, especially that of the mothers. For example, if ready-made food is bought from outside, a mother gets the opportunity to spend more time focusing on other needs of her kids just like preparing them for school and helping them with their homework and assignments. Secondly, she also gets some spare time for herself, whereby she can relax and take her good care by joining a gym and exercising, to keep her fit and active. On the other hand, there is a big list of the detriments resulting due to eating fast food. The most important and hazardous of them is the increasing rate of obesity. For instance, the people who are fond of ordering food from the restaurants, every now and then, take the toll of the unhealthy products like oil, ghee and spices, used in their making. This not only leaves them overweight, but brings along a pile of diseases like hypertension, diabetes and obesity, too. Moreover, buying food online wastes money as well, because the people have to pay almost double the amount for the pre-prepared products when compared to making the same dish at home, because they have to pay for the taxes and delivery charges. To conclude, the ease provided by the ready to eat foods has been most often temporary and short-lasting. Furthermore, the menace of weight gain, diseases and wastage of money is a major disadvantage of this newer advancement.
It is an undeniable fact that,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
need to eat
appropriately
in order to sustain their survival.
However
,
Specify a number, remove phrase, or simply use "many" or "numerous"
a large number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
prefer eating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
that are already prepared,
instead
of cooking at home. This development, although, carries
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
benefits,
yet
the drawbacks
still
predominate, as discussed in this essay.

On one hand,
firstly
purchasing ready to eat
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
, has the advantage of saving the time,
especially
that of the mothers.
For example
, if ready-made
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bought
from outside, a mother
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gets
the opportunity to spend more time focusing on other needs of her kids
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
like preparing them for school and helping them with their homework and assignments.
Secondly
, she
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gets
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
spare time for herself, whereby she can relax and take her
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
care by joining a gym and exercising, to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
her fit and active.

On the other hand
, there is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
list of the detriments resulting due to eating
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
. The most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
and hazardous of them is the increasing rate of obesity.
For instance
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who are fond of ordering
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
from the restaurants, every
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
and then, take the toll of the unhealthy products like oil, ghee and spices,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
in their making. This not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leaves
them overweight,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
brings along a pile of diseases like hypertension, diabetes and obesity, too.
Moreover
, buying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
online wastes money
as well
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
pay almost double the amount for the
Possible spelling mistake found.
pre-prepared
products when compared to making the same dish at home,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
pay for the taxes and delivery charges.

To conclude
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ease
provided by the ready to eat
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
has been most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
temporary and short-lasting.
Furthermore
, the menace of weight gain, diseases and wastage of money is a major disadvantage of this newer advancement.
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes
A special kind of beauty exists which is born in language, of language, and for language.
Gaston Bachelard

IELTS essay More and more people are buying ready to eat foods instead of cooking themselves. Does this development have more advantages or more disadvantages? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
303 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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