Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

More and more people are becoming seriously overweight. Some people say that the price increase of fattening foods will solve this problem. To what extend do you agree or disagree?

More and more people are becoming seriously overweight. Some people say that the price increase of fattening foods will solve this problem. D5YE
In many countries. The number of people who become overweight has increaused and their health condition and fitness level are declining. It is argued by some individuals that raising the price of high - fat food will reduce it is consumption and thereby this issuo will be addressed. If questioned, I disagree with this view to major extent. In the following paragraphs I shall put forth my argument to supports my views. The first argument to support my view is that a number of youngsters are addicted to fast foods which contains high amounts of fat. They are not ready to avoid ready made food with unique test just because of a rise in prices. As result, they continue to consume high-fat food and ingnore their health pcblems. Secondly, it is a fact that business compition is getting tougher due to the globalization, and people have to work for longer hours to complete their tasks on time. They have to wake up early in the maning to go to the workplace and arrive at late night, therefore they have no time to doing some exercises. Consequently, most of theses people have some serious health problems, such as obesity and diabetes. Tn contrast, government should encourage people to choose healthy foods and healthy diet. They should consume more healthier ingredients, for instance, Wheat, Milk, vegetables, or, Fruit rather than chips and fries, fired chicken and so on. In addition government apply some strict rules on working hours. So, that working people can get time to do exercise and burn calories in their life. To conclude, I totally disagree that rising the price of unhealthy foods is the the only way to tackle this issue, however, I believe that there are other numerous reasons too getting overweight and to address them authorities should put more effort to encourage the people and apply strict rules to solve people's overweight problems.
In
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
countries. The number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who become overweight has
Possible spelling mistake found.
increaused
and their health condition and fitness level are declining. It
is argued
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
individuals that raising the price of high
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
-
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fat
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
it is consumption and thereby this
Possible spelling mistake found.
issuo
will
be addressed
. If questioned, I disagree with this view to major extent. In the following paragraphs I shall put forth my argument to supports my views.

The
first
argument to support my view is that a number of youngsters
are addicted
to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
which contains high amounts of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fat
. They are not ready to avoid
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
ready made
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
with unique
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
test
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of a rise in prices. As result, they continue to consume high-
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fat
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
and
Possible spelling mistake found.
ingnore
their health
Possible spelling mistake found.
pcblems
.
Secondly
, it is a fact that business
Possible spelling mistake found.
compition
is getting tougher due to the globalization, and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
work for longer hours to complete their tasks on time. They
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
wake up early in the
Possible spelling mistake found.
maning
to go to the workplace and arrive at late night,
therefore
they have no time to doing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
exercises.
Consequently
,
After 'most of', you should use 'the' ("most of the theses") or simply say "most theses".
most of theses
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
serious health problems,

such as obesity and diabetes.

Tn contrast,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should encourage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to choose healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
and healthy diet. They should consume
Use only "healthier" (without 'more') when you use the comparative.
more healthier
ingredients,
for instance
, Wheat, Milk, vegetables, or, Fruit
rather
than chips and fries, fired chicken and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on. In
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
addition
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
apply
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
strict
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
on working hours.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, that working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
time to do exercise and burn calories in their life.

To conclude
, I
totally
disagree that rising the price of unhealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
is
Maybe you need to remove one determiner so that only "the" or "the" is left.
the the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
way to tackle this issue,
however
, I believe that there are other numerous reasons too getting overweight and to address them authorities should put more effort to encourage the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and apply strict
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
to solve
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's overweight problems.
What do you think?
  • This is funny writingFunny
  • I love this writingLove
  • This writing has blown my mindWow
  • It made me angryAngry
  • It made me sadSad

IELTS essay More and more people are becoming seriously overweight. Some people say that the price increase of fattening foods will solve this problem.

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
317 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Recent posts