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Some people say that parents should encourage their children to take part in organised group activities in their free time. Others say that it is important for children to learn how to keep themselves occupied on their own. Discuss both views and give your opinion .

Some people say that parents should encourage their children to take part in organised group activities in their free time. Others say that it is important for children to learn how to keep themselves occupied on their own. Xgyr
Some people think that yougsters should be encouraged to take part in organised group activities, while others believe that they would rather spend time by theirselves. In my opinion I think that it’s essential for children to socialize and learn to take part of an organized groups. This essay is going to emphasize both sides. On the one hand, It is extremely essential for youngsters to learn communication skills and interact with others at a younger age through organised activities, due to the fact that they are usually supervised by an adult person that can create different teams and help children to participate to sports or play activities. For instance, children can play cricket or football which can enhance the team spirits in children’s personality, In addition to that, playing with a team can help to shapen the child’s personality while interacting with his teamates, not only this but also, it can be very helpful for parents to get feedback from the supervisors about their children’s behavior and attitudes while they are not near them. Moreover, organised group activities can protect children from spending consequent time in front of the TV or websites that can be hazardous for children. For instance, a research has proven that children who spend more time watching TV shows tend to be less productive and intelligent in schools while children who spend their free time practicing sport and playing outdoor learn many important skills. On the other hand, children should also learn to occupy theirselves when their friends are not available for them to play, they should also find the opportunity to think about things that go around them to assimilate each thing, there are many activities that children can play by their own which can improve their level of intelligence significantly. For instance, scrabble or chess, consequently, this can help them to discover their hobby and their hidden talent. To conlude, In my humble opinion, children should learn to spend more time surrounding people whether they are older or in the same age, because communication skills may be for a good help for them in their future career and social interactions and taking part of these programmed activities is the best way to do so.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
Possible spelling mistake found.
yougsters
should
be encouraged
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
take part
in
Possible spelling mistake. 'organised' is British English.
organised
group
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
, while others believe that they would
rather
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
by
Possible spelling mistake found.
theirselves
. In my opinion I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that it’s essential for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to socialize and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
take part
of an organized
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "group"?
groups
. This essay is going to emphasize both sides.

On the one hand, It is
extremely
essential for youngsters to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
communication
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and interact with others at a younger age through
Possible spelling mistake. 'organised' is British English.
organised
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
, due to the fact that they are
usually
supervised by an adult person that can create
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
teams and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to participate to sports or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
.
For instance
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
cricket or football which can enhance the team spirits in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
personality,
In addition
to that,
Use "for" with "play." You probably meant this: "playing for".
playing with
a team can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
to
Possible spelling mistake found.
shapen
the child’s personality while interacting with his
Possible spelling mistake found.
teamates
, not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
this
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
, it can be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
helpful for parents to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
feedback from the supervisors about their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
behavior and attitudes while they are not near them.
Moreover
,
Possible spelling mistake. 'organised' is British English.
organised
group
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
can protect
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
from spending consequent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
in front of the TV or websites that can be hazardous for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
For instance
,
Uncountable nouns are usually not used with an indefinite article. Use simply "research".
a research
has proven that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
watching TV
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
tend to be less productive and intelligent in schools while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
their free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
practicing sport and playing outdoor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.

On the other hand
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
to occupy
Possible spelling mistake found.
theirselves
when their friends are not available for them to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
, they should
also
find the opportunity to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
about things that go around them to assimilate each thing, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
by their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
which can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their level of intelligence
significantly
.
For instance
, scrabble or chess,
consequently
, this can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
them to discover their hobby and their hidden talent.

To
Possible spelling mistake found.
conlude
, In my humble opinion,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
surrounding
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
whether they are older or in the same age,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
communication
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
may be for a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
for them in their future career and social interactions and taking part of these programmed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
is the best way to do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
.
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IELTS essay Some people say that parents should encourage their children to take part in organised group activities in their free time. Others say that it is important for children to learn how to keep themselves occupied on their own.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
371 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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