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More and more companies are allowing employees to work at home

More and more companies are allowing employees to work at home VBgqD
It is argued that now staffs of companies are not necessary to go to the offices because they can work from home. In my opinion, this statement has some benefits, but the drawbacks are more. On the one hand, online working brings about many beneficial effects. To begin with, the convenience of this method is a characteristic of why many companies choose it. Employees do not have to commute from home to companies which may take them a huge amount of time. Moreover, they can face unexpected problems such as traffic, their vehicles can be broken, . . Which may let them late for work. And another advantage is they can boost their productivity because they feel comfortable when they at home which is a familiar space. In this status, employees will not feel tight in a framework and they can follow their deadline like a way they want to. Besides, they can get more time that helps them in striking a balance between their work and families. To be more specific, they can speed up their jobs to finish soon which means they may have more time to babysit or take care of their parents. On the other hand, working at staff’s apartments may be associated with several shortcomings. Firstly, the upper can lose track of their employee's progress. With that hole, managers cannot follow their staff to push them to meet the deadline. Gradually, the backlog of a lot of jobs will happen because employees do not complete before the deadline, and from that establishment maybe face many problems with financial or overloading. Additionally, internet connection is a serious problem which is the difficulty of companies usually meet. Interruption of the Internet can hold up the connection between partners or exchanging information between colleagues. Specifically, it will affect to process in working such as mail, uploading information to the network. In conclusion, although this method was popular with a lot of companies in the world, it still exists many drawbacks more merits. Therefore, they need to combine the two ways parallel to optimize productivity.
It
is argued
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
staffs of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
are not necessary to go to the offices
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they can work from home. In my opinion, this statement has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
benefits,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the drawbacks are more.

On the one hand, online working brings about
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
beneficial effects. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, the convenience of this method is a characteristic of why
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
choose it. Employees do not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
commute from home to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
which may take them a huge amount of time.
Moreover
, they can face unexpected problems such as traffic, their vehicles can
be broken
Did you just mean "," or "."?
, .
Don't put a space before the full stop
.
Which may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
them late for work. And another advantage is they can boost their productivity
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they feel comfortable when they at home which is a familiar space. In this status, employees will not feel tight in a
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
framework and
they can follow their deadline like a way they want to.
Besides
, they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
more time that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
them in striking a balance between their work and families. To be more specific, they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
speed up
their jobs to finish
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
which means they may have more time to babysit or take care of their parents.

On the other hand
, working at staff’s apartments may
be associated
with several shortcomings.
Firstly
, the upper can lose
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
track
of their employee's progress. With that hole, managers cannot follow their staff to push them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
the deadline.
Gradually
, the backlog of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
jobs will happen
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
employees do not complete
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
the deadline, and from that establishment maybe face
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
problems with financial or overloading.
Additionally
, internet connection is a serious problem which is the difficulty of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
usually
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
. Interruption of the Internet can hold up the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
connection between
partners or exchanging information between colleagues.
Specifically
, it will affect to process in working such as mail, uploading information to the network.

In conclusion
, although this method was popular with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
in the world, it
still
exists
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
drawbacks more merits.
Therefore
, they need to combine the two ways parallel to optimize productivity.
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IELTS essay More and more companies are allowing employees to work at home

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
346 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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