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more and more children in urban areas today are suffering from obesity ,what are the reasons?can you suggest some solutions ?

more and more children in urban areas today are suffering from obesity, what are the reasons? can you suggest some solutions? Q5Rm9
it is irrefutable that nowadays a great number of children who live in advance cities confronting from weight disease. in this essay, i intend to discuss the reasons and suggest some solutions. The first and foremost reason is that they eat varities of junk food which impacts bad on their health because these food contain excessive amount of oil and fat contain nutrients. as a result, children become fatty. morever, due to modern era they like to play computer games and give least preference to oudoor games. so, this is also reason of obesitu in children. in addition, they do not do regular excersise. so due to this, physical exertion has almost vanished in children. several steps can be taken to overcome this problem. first possible solution is that parents should motivate their children to avoid fast food and eat home-made healthy food. apart from this, government should make park in every area and encouage children to play outdoor gamesTo conclude, certain driving forces prompt this menace which can be curbed via cumulative efforys of parents and government.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
it
is irrefutable that nowadays a great number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in advance cities confronting from weight disease.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
in
this essay,
Is this the personal pronoun "I"? It is spelled uppercase.
i
intend to discuss the reasons and suggest
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
solutions. The
first
and foremost reason is that they eat
Possible spelling mistake found.
varities
of junk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
which impacts
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
on their health
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
contain excessive amount of oil and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fat
contain nutrients.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
as
a result,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
become fatty.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
morever
, due to modern era they like to play computer games and give
A determiner is probably missing here: "the least".
least
preference to
Possible spelling mistake found.
oudoor
games.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
so
, this is
also
reason of
Possible spelling mistake found.
obesitu
in
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children
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
in
addition, they do not do regular
Possible spelling mistake found.
excersise
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
so
due to this, physical exertion has almost vanished in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
several
steps can
be taken
to overcome this problem.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
first
possible solution is that parents should motivate their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to avoid
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
and eat home-made healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
apart
from this,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
park in every area and
Possible spelling mistake found.
encouage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to play outdoor
Possible spelling mistake found.
gamesTo
conclude, certain driving forces prompt this menace which can
be curbed
via cumulative
Possible spelling mistake found.
efforys
of parents and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
.

IELTS essay more and more children in urban areas today are suffering from obesity, what are the reasons? can you suggest some solutions?

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
178 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
4.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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