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More and more adults are playing computer games. why do you think is the reason for this. Do you think it is good or bad?

More and more adults are playing computer games. why do you think is the reason for this. Do you think it is good or bad? GLN1m
There is an increasing number of adults playing computer games. In my opinion, the causes are laying at working pressure and smaller property size, and it has negative impacts on social life and family relationship. One of the causes is working pressure. These days people are working more than 8 hours a day in weekdays, which leaves them no time to other social activities. Therefore, computer games become their initial choice to have fun and escape from the fast paced society. Another cause is the tendency of expensive but smaller real property size. Those new apartments are usually designed with little bedrooms and living rooms, allowing no space for people to do sports or other activities at home. So, computer games become their first option since they merely need a small table to be placed on. I think this phenomenon is harmful to people’s life and can cause serious problems. First, it may cause social isolation. When people play computer games at home, they will cut off interaction with the real world and become more unwilling to integrate with society. For example, in Japan, there are 2 million people are disappearing and turned out that they like playing computer games at home. This Even make their country has fewer labor force. Secondly, this situation can damage family relationships, especially those with their children. If both parents are playing computer games and spending no time to company children, children will feel unsecured and they may hate their parents in the future. In conclusion, working pressure and small property size are the causes of more adults playing computer games. This phenomenon is doing harm to society and family relationship. 280 word
There is an increasing number of adults
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
. In my opinion, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
causes
are laying at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
pressure and smaller property size, and it has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impacts on social life and family relationship.

One of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
causes
is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
pressure. These days
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
more than 8 hours a day in weekdays, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leaves
them no time to other social activities.
Therefore
, computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
become their initial choice to have fun and escape from the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
paced society. Another
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cause
is the tendency of expensive
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
smaller real property size. Those new apartments are
usually
designed with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
bedrooms and living rooms, allowing no space for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to do sports or other activities at home.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
become their
first
option since they
merely
need a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
table to
be placed
on.

I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
this phenomenon is harmful to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
life and can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cause
serious problems.
First
, it may
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cause
social isolation. When
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
play computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
at home, they will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cut
off interaction with the real world and become more unwilling to integrate with society.
For example
, in Japan, there are 2 million
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are disappearing and turned out that they like
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
at home. This Even
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
their country has fewer labor force.
Secondly
, this situation can damage family relationships,
especially
those with their children. If both parents are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
and spending no time to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
children, children will feel
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
unsecured and
they may hate their parents in the future.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
pressure and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
property size are the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
causes
of more adults
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
. This phenomenon is doing harm to society and family relationship.

280
Possible agreement error. The noun 'word' seems to be countable, so consider using: "words".
word

IELTS essay More and more adults are playing computer games. why do you think is the reason for this. Do you think it is good or bad?

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
278 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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